EXILED -
Part of this dark night is the exile. Exiled from feeling God's presence, exiled from home, exiled into a soul-less existence. This is not living. It is merely existing. There are moments of grace, slices of time when my soul isn't aching for God. I function. I can laugh at a joke. I can share a joke. But the deep joy out of which I lived is but a shallow puddle. In this exile, I strain to hear anything from God. It is so quiet, too quiet. And lonely, ever so lonely.
I don't function fully or extremely well in dark nights or exile. Even the thawing around me has not relieved the deadness within me. This is a dying unto myself and I long for resurrection, for the stirrings of life, new life. This Easter will be as hollow to me as the chocolate Easter bunnies in the basket. At least, that is where I am right now. I don't think that this dark night will be over by Easter. There has been no movement in that direction. That's not to say that the longing for life, new life, having my dry bones dance and live, isn't there. On the contrary, the desire, the longing, the yearning for God to breathe life where there is none, to lead me out of the tomb of this dark night, unwrapped and alive, is with me daily. This dark night will take as long as it needs, as long as it has to. I have to settle into it and allow the Mystery of its bringing back to life to take place.
For now...I am in exile....

MONDAY MORNING -
As I work on the liturgy for this coming Sunday, I gaze out the window that overlooks the parking lot and the hill and ranch houses and between 2 ranch houses I can see 4 deer out munching in the houses' bakcyards not far from the wooded upper hillside. There are 5 deer now that I can see. There has been enough of a thaw to expose grass and they seem content to busily munch away at whatever they can after a long two months of bitter cold and snow with not much to nibble on. I am glad they survived hunting season. I haven't seen them in two months and it is such a grace to see them now. I can also be thankful that they are not munching away in my backyard or garden!!! They look gaunter than last fall and didn't so much as stop munching when a flatbed truck with a car on it drove down the side road between the parking lot and the houses. They are very hungry deer.
As Lent unfolds and winter slowly loosens its grip, for what are you hungry and hungering?

LENTEN THURSDAY -

The sky is a blue canopy with nary a cloud and the sun is shining and casting shadows - something we haven't seen around these here parts for quite some time. IT does the soul and spirit good to see blue ski and sunshine.
Am working on funeral sermon. I've been spared one for nearly 8 weeks!
Being an interim, you join in where and as people are, without much knowledge of how it used to be or who folks were. That can be a good thing and yet, in the case of doing a funeral, it is a difficult thing for me. I wish I had known them before they were stricken ill, could no longer talk, before their bodies no longer functioned in the way they had, when they could still hear and still see. Every once in a while, I officiate at a funeral for someone I would have enjoyed knowing more and better. The funeral on Sunday afternoon, will be one of those. Interesting, fascinating, ever active woman, who no longer had a voice, but eyes that could still sparkle and a heart and spirit that knew God's love, and one who still remembered the taste of bread and wine. Her 3 daughters are beautiful and loving, grieving, remembering, crying and laughing. So healthy and so together and as unique as their mother. I pray that all I offer will the honor the life, the memory, the love of this mother and woman, I could only glimpse and never really knew, but wished I had known her.
Perhaps, at the Kingdom banquet we will meet and be known to one another in the heart of God.

Dumb and Now Even Dumber -
Ok, so I fried the disposal. LH calls last night to say that 2 long anchoring screws to the faucet fell out and were lying on the cabinet floor under the sink. We had that faucet replaced some time ago - last fall, by a plumber who took longer than he needed, to do a simple replacement. Apparently, he forgot to really screw these anchor screws in. Opps! And a bolt or washer is even missing. So, much for a job well done. (I do believe the vibrations from the disposal probably caused these not really screwed-in anchor screws to fall out completely.
Perhaps, in the frying of the disposal, the incomplete plumbling job has come to light sooner rather than later. Perhaps, I'm seeking some redemption for my ineptitude and just plain dumb thing I did!!!
In this Lent, it leads me to ponder about repentance and redemption. We, who cannot help ourselves, find redemption in the only One who can help us, forgive us and bring to life that which we cannot on our own. Not a bad lesson to be learned about disposals, faucet screws, dumb things, incompleted jobs and Lent. I'll take it!

DUMB THINGS -
Ok, so I'm not being politically correct, but I can do the dumbest, lamest things.
It is a reoccurring theme in my life of which I am none too proud, just honest.
Here's the latest Dumb Thing to Do on Your Day Off -
Put broccoli stalks that are way too large down your disposal. Run the disposal. Hear and smell the motor burn out. Doh!
We now have a brand new disposal in a box waiting to be installed. LH was none too happy.
Be it known, though it is no excuse, that said disposal was sounding a bit funny recently anyways.
Is there a patron saint for really dumb, lame things we do?

SPEAKING OF THE OLYMPICS -
Was anyone as appalled as I with our Womens' Ice Hockey team and their almost utter lack of good sportsmanship as they pouted on the medal stand?
Ok, yes, it's disappointing to lose, but for goodness sake, at least be gracious about it and be glad for the Canadian Womens' team that beat you fair and square.
Winning is not a right or an entitlement just because you have USA on your uniform.
Be happy with a silver medal. Be happy with a bronze medal. Be happy just to compete with world class athletes.
And learn and display good sportsmanship. Be gracious. Be kind. Celebrate your fellow athletes' accomplishments. Have a good time. Play well and fairly. Anything can happen. Bad calls can be made. Do your best. And congratulate heartily and smile as you share the joy of another's win. You are Americans and on display before the world. Pouting and acting like spoilt brats doesn't help our image or endear us to the world. Put on your big girl panties, deal with it, swallow hard, grow up and get over it. Second place is nothing to sneeze at!! Be proud of silver. And ladies, learn to be gracious!
Honestly, there is absolutely no excuse for that medal platform sulking display.

Friday Five: Winter Olympics Edition

It's been two weeks of snow, or not enough snow, of heartbreak before the action even began, of snowboards and skis and skates, of joy and sorrow. At our house, we've stayed up too late, and we don't even watch sports any other time!


1) Which of the Winter Olympic sports is your favorite to watch?
Most of them - skating, ski jumping, bobsled, luge, skeleton, snowboard,
freestyle ski, Super G and Slalom skiing, hockey, even some curling. I enjoy
and find the Winter Olympics far more engaging than the Summer Olympics.

2) Some of the uniforms have attracted attention this year, such as the US Snowboarders' pseudo-flannel shirts



and the Norwegian Curling team's -- ahem -- pants.


Who do you think had the best-looking uniforms?
Hard to say, there's been such variation between different sports and countries.
I kinda liked the blue with stars on the ski aerials.


3) And Curling. Really? What's up with that?
Ahhh, skill and strategy with a polished granite stone that looks like
a tea kettle!!!! Kind of bocce ball but for ice!

4) Define Nordic Combined. Don't look it up. Take a guess if you must.
Skiing off a jump, flying through air, and landing on your feet, combined with
a grueling cross country ski course!


(There will be a prize for the best answer, but be aware, this is a judged sport.)

5) If you could be a Winter Olympics Champion just by wishing for it, which sport would you choose for winning your Gold Medal?
I'm utterly fascintated with ski jumping, but couldn't deal with the height.
I'm not a skier. I can't decide if its better to go down an icy chute at
too many miles per hour head first or feet first or even in a bobsled.
I was never good at ice skating and too heavy to be lifted for pairs skating.
I have qualified in rifle shooting but the cross country would do me in for
the biatholon.
In an ideal world - ice dancing.
In this world as I am - just for watching every night and wanting to see
more than they broadcast.

Tiredness -

This Lent I am feeling tired, weary. Perhaps, I've been staying up a bit later catching the Olympics. Perhaps, it goes much deeper - back to the Dark Night - the tiredness of seeking God and failing, the tiredness of praying to the Great Silence, the tiredness of this life which is not fully alive and living, the tiredness of being away from home, the tiredness of this continued Dark Night...just plain tired.
I could just sleep an entire day, but its not possible.
I long to be close to God again, to be on the same wavelength, in sync, full and bubbling with vibrant life and joy, instead of this emptiness.
I bring to God my tiredness, me weariness, my spirit that can resist no longer - perhaps this is what God has been waiting for. Wearing me down, until I can no longer resist what God is about do, to open me more fully and completely to what God will yet bring. I am tired, Lord, oh, so tired. Do with me as you will, for I can resist no longer. Here I am, Lord. All yours. Amen.

ASH WEDNESDAY -

As I gaze out the window, the fat, juicy snowflakes continue to fall but more in earnest at the moment. Already, the van's windows are getting coated once again.
It is a very white world at present, far from the grungy, gritty, slushy, blackened snow that lined the streets just a week ago.
Yet, perhaps, it speaks of being made new, freshly clean. In the forgiveness of our sin and sins, in touching upon our mortality on this day, we are promised a new life, we are being made a new creation in Christ Jesus. On this solemn and somber day, there is a promise, a hint of something more, something new, something beyond what we now know.
I am also reminded of the traction needed to get around these snowclad roads. Not just salt but grit, ash, cinder. I need Lent to give me traction as I navigate through this dark night, enter the Lenten season and prepare for Easter. It grounds me, keeps me on track, stays me from slipping and sliding all over the place. It is a dirty, messy thing this grit, cinder and ash. But it was a dirty, messy suffering and death that Jesus underwent to save us dirty, messy folk and world stained with sin.
And so there is the grace of this fluffy, freshly falling snow even on this ashen gray and gritty Ash Wednesday. It is the grace of promise of something new, something more, something better that is buried deeply in the seed of these Lenten Days.
How is Ash Wednesday speaking to you this year?

RGBP'S FRIDAY FIVE - FAB FEB(ruary)

. When February comes along, how do you feel about the coming month?
Good. It's a short month and winter's nearly over.

2. What memories do you have about Valentine's Day? Are you doing anything to observe it this year?
It was my Mom's Birthday! Always gave her a card and sometimes Valentines I made
in school. There would be birthday cake as well.
LH and I exchange cards. This year I included a little box of "Conversation Jelly
Bellies". That's pretty much it.

3. It is interesting that Monday's "Presidents Day" is not officially called that in every state. It is a U.S. federal holiday entitled "Washington's Birthday." Which is your favorite president and why?
Probably Teddy Roosevelt. Down to earth, get it done, kinda fellow. And he enjoyed
our National Parks.
I should say Lincoln since we always had Lincoln's birthday off in Illinois,
instead of Washington's or even President's Day. I always admired Lincoln's deeply
thoughtful ways and his integrity, which is greatly lacking in our statespeople
leaders today.

4. Will you be celebrating Shrove Tuesday or Mardi Gras? How?
Probably not, since I'm alone in an apartment. LH used to serve a church that
had pancake suppers. Wasn't ever a big fan of pancakes for dinner.
Growing up we used to make Fasnachchuechli - very thin dough squares, stretched
over a towel over a knee and then dropped into a pot of hot oil until cooked.
Then they were taken out, dried on paper towels and when cooled dusted with
powered sugar. They were light as air and fragile but so yummy!
Haven't ever made them as an adult - no time and I don't need to add to my bulk!

5. Any other ways to celebrate in February?
Well, I celebrate my birthday! Whoohoo! Usually, phone calls from my sister,
niece and other family. Sometimes, there's a cake, but generally just a
Hostess Chocolate Cupcake with a candle in it! Just enough for two!

Bonus: A Lenten book or website you recommend.
J. Barrie Shepherd's book, The Way of the Pilgrim, or Pilgrim's Way.
I can't think of it off the top of my head.

A WHITE THURSDAY -

It seems to have stopped snowing for the moment even if a few flakes are still flying around. It didn't do much overnight - thankfully - except drift which made the walk from the stairs to the van an aerobic workout! There wasn't too much to brush and scrape off the van. A break from the sow would be wonderful! Although, with the cold temps on tap for the next week, the piles of snow ain't goin' anywhere anytime soon!
I've noticed that in the piles there holes and crevices and sometimes there is that bluish, aqua tint within it. Really, rather beautiful. There was also a wee, tiny snowflake on the inside of the door armrest which looked like an edelweiss, with several points round about it like a flower. Most unusual. Juat sitting with these noticings and seeing what if anything they are telling me.
The large piles of snow, remind of the blizzard of '68 in Chicago. Everything was shut down for a couple days. I remember walking with my Dad to a Mom and Pop grocery store for bread and perhaps milk 2 1/2 blocks away. ( Couldn't use the car because the roads were so bad) Only to find when we got there, that they were already out.
Somehow we made do, and Mom baked bread. There was enough snow that my sister and I built an igloo next to the garage and were able to crawl inside it, where surprisingly, it was a wee warmer than just being outside. Ahh...the insulating quality of snow. We put out a shoebox decorated with a number for a mailbox. I don't think any mail was ever delivered!!! School was closed for a couple days and we rarely ever had a snow day off.
Our next door neighbor boy dug a tunnel through his backyard so it looked like a giant mole tunneled through the yard!
We shovelled, had snowball fights with other kids in the neighborhood, drank hot cocoa, and just enjoyed some family time.
I'm thinking, everybody should get a snow day in late Jan. or early Feb. - just because we need Sabbath time, rest time, play time, a free day like that 'free' space on a Bingo card. Maybe we all need a day to be with our kids, make hot cocoa, and just breathe.
Maybe, I'll do some of that tomorrow - after the grocery shopping, errand running, tax preparation stuff. I hear the call of a Snow Day....

GOOD MORNING SNOWSHOWERS -
Thankfully, we did not get as much snow as predicted. I did have to trudge through 3 inches of new snowfall to my van. Then spend time brushing the snow off the van and scraping the icy windows so I can see enough to drive safely. I had to back up twice, in order to get out onto the street.
When I arrived at church, nothing had been shoveled and only half the parking lot had been plowed. So, I got out the shovel and spent 50 minutes shoveling three entrances and sidewalks and putting down salt. After all the psuedo Meals On Wheels were here preparing meals and the drivers would be showing up to make meal deliveries. It would not have been so bad, had I not been having tinges in my back lately - the kind that are have been the precursor of when my back gives out (tight, balled up muscles). We'll see how the back reacts.
It would have been nice for the custodian to call before I shovelled and salted everything to say she wouldn't be in til say 11 am.
As I gaze out the white window, I will have to brush off my van before driving back to the apartment for lunch. And I will have to take off my shoes, put on my boots and bundle back up. Some days, Florida gleams gold and issues forth her siren call - "Come, come away to sunny Florida!"
The kids all got snow days. I should have had one too!!!! But not tomorrow, I go home tomorrow and I don't want anything to come between me and going home.

IT HAS BEGUN...
The snow is now falling, just light, litte snowflakes that deceive you into thinking that they couldn't ever amount to much. But they do add up and this is just the start. I would think that school will cancelled tomorrow. I doubt our committee will be meeting tonight. And I pray, I won't be snowed in or if snowed in, that we don't lose power - my heat, light, ability to cook is all electric. I would much prefer being snowed in at home with my greys and LH. But I could make the best of things here. I have reading materials and some clay to prepare for Ash Wednesday.
I just don't know where an extra foot or more of snow will be piled. Or how I can shovel out my van since I don't have a shovel. At least at home, it would be in the garage and we have a blower and shovel.
Fortunately, I slipped into Shopping Mecca last evening for my eye exam and a new pair of boring, safe glasses. Yup, I've been losing my place preaching from my manuscript. I am using mid-range for far, and reading for mid-range. Started about the first of the year. Since, it's been 2 years since my last exam and new glasses, I was due. I just want to see more clearly! I will also get new lenses for my present frames since they do make more of statement and I really like them. I just couldn't give them up and be blurred and not read for a week or ten days - maybe more if we lose a day or two with the snow.
Happy Birthday to me! A new pair of glasses and a new pair of lenses. That way, I'll have a back-up pair of glasses since I'm now so dependent on my tri-focals.
According to the optometrist, from age 46-57, every year or two, your eye sight gets "more and more out of whack" (Joe Pesci from 'My Cousin Vinny'). After age 57, it sorta levels off. Great! Isn't middle age just more fun knowing that?!!?
For now, I see not as clearly as I will, and through a veil of snow.

SNOW UPDATE:
Did I say spared? Compared to the Mid-Atlantic, we were spared. 10 inches at home, 16 inches were I serve. Piles of snow are everywhere and with the sunshine and blue skies, the snow reflects even more light - a bright white. Just in time for Transfiguration Sunday!
Not enjoying my traipsing at least 4 times a day through the stomped path in the snow from car to the rickety stairs of the apartment. Good exercise though!!
Looks like we're on track to get some more snow tomorrow afternoon into Wednesday. I pray it won't be more than a couple inches.
The church parking lot was plowed but still somewhat snow packed and icy. We still had a fair attendence especially because of Scout Sunday and the Cub Scouts and their parents.
The parking lot, after two days with sunshine is pretty clear and dry pavement-wise. So was our driveway! The sun is good to help melt and dry up pavement.
It was somewhat foggy this morning and the trees and bushes were coated in ice and white - more beautiful than words can express. In places it was foggy and when the sun came through on my long drive in - there was a partial sun dog.
With all this bright whiteness around me, it sets the mood for Transfiguration Sunday.

STILL SNOWING -
Saturday morning and it is still snowing. The wind has created some deeper drifts and I am thankful for our snow blower. As soon as it abates later this morning, LH and I will be out blowing and shoveling. The greys were up to their thighs and chest in snow and they are tall dogs.
I am hoping to return to the apartment late, late this afternoon, praying that the roads will be clear by then and our allotment plowed out somewhat.
It will remain bitterly cold and snow again on Tuesday. This white landscape will be with us for awhile.
It also means that fewer people will be at worship tomorrow, which is Communion Sunday, Scout Sunday and Souper Bowl Sunday.
Not able to do much today except scrub out the shower stall and do some tax preparation.
We have been spared major snowfall all winter, until now. I pray that this will be the last of it.

OFF THE LECTIONARY -
I am going off the Lectionary this week. Infact, last Sunday, I did the calling of Simon. This week is Scout Sunday and also Souper Bowl Sunday. As is tradition here, where I am serving, on Scout Sunday, usually a story or two have been read, with a brief reflection geared to the Cub Scouts.
By sheer providence, as I perused Amazon, as I am wont to do and have to practice restraint from ordering since my budget doesn't allow for much, I had a list of a few books I and my budget would allow. When, somehow, I happened upon a book, "14 Cows For America" by Carmen Deedy based on a true story of Wilson kimeli Naiyomah about the gift of a Maasai tribe to the United States following 9/11. The artwork is really gorgeous as well, illustrated by Thomas Gonzalez. So, intrigued by it, I ordered it and found it true to the reviews. It will be the story I share this Sunday and offer words on compassion.
Little did I know, when I ordered the book, thinking it might work for a children's message some time ( although a bit too long for that), that I would be using it so soon. Truly, it was providence.
It is a very moving story about the gift of compassion from the Maasai to America that is little known. Hope you have a chance to check it out sometime.

BIRTH MONTH -
February is the month of my birth, a cold, short month. My birthday, more often than not, falls during Lent, which is partly the reason I have never given up chocolate for Lent, so that I can have some chocolate cake or delight on my birthday! (Well, and if truth be told, during the rest of the season of Lent as well. We, Swiss, are not about to give up our chocolate!)
I find it most intriguing, that my calendar contains this quote from John O'Donohue, "May all that is unlived in you, blossom into a future graced with love."

In this dark night of my soul, to find this quote in the month of my birth, is as though God is speaking to my very spirit and heart. I will be holding this quote close to me, contemplating it and praying with it the rest of the year. Words of invitation to examine in this dark night and to hold onto hope for what is yet to come and be that is and will be graced with love. Words of comfort to wrap myself in when overwhelmed by the not-yetness of our lives. Words of assurance that God is in this dark night with me and leading me through it to a time to come when new life and new things, unknown at present, will grow and and be. Words of strength that pull me when I stumble and fall into ditch of discouragement and despair.
Perhaps, this is God's birthday gift to me in this dark night. Something to cling to, a word of encouragement and grace to bring me through the year and this time. It isn't much and yet it is everything. A simple quote in a calendar, randomly placed as thought by most or some, yet serendipitiously there by the grace of God in my understanding. Every little piece, every tiny glimpse, every shred of connection I see and make (by God's Spirit) will hold me to God, will I welcome into my soul and being for the grace it is - mundane, or trivial. God works in all things; great and small, serious and funny, worldly and otherworldly, permeating the material with the spiritual, making it holy by infusing God's presence into it. How can I ignore that or turn from it? I can't and so, each little scrap that speaks to me and my soul, I will honor and hold gently, for in it, I hear God, I find God's presence and it is all I have in this dark night.

OFF-LINE -
Not by choice, but the church was without internet for two days! I sorely missed it, especially checking my e-mail. By late Thursday afternoon it was up and running again, only it was time for me to leave.
I did manage to pull my Ash Wednesday service together. Still have to tweak the sermon and the communion liturgy.
My day off is spent doing my banking, errands, grocery shopping, laundry, etc. and rarely have time to be on-line. This week it will include a visit to the Vet with Jett who needs his rabies vaccine. Always, something!
The church is getting primed for a discernment process that will make a good Lenten disipline and spiritual practice. So, I have been busy with that.
As often in interims, there are staff changes. To date we have - a new choir director after not having one for over a year. We hope she will be with us for at least a year.
And now a new church secretary, who is really the old church secretary who left to start another job and got downsized.
So, things are in flux and changing and moving here.
Not so in my life. We are at a standstill, waiting for God, waiting for what comes next. I had hoped to move through this dark night, but it is longer and lingering with little movement or small movements in tiny spurts. I function on the outside and the inside suffers and longs and sends out gossamer threads of hope to the Great Silence. All the while, missing the delight, the savoring, the joy that is a part of life and has been so much a part of me. I pray it will come back one day - deeper, richer and fuller as it has in the past.
As our internet was off-line, so I feel off-line from God and not by choice either. But I keep trying to make the connection, I keep praying to the Great Silence, knowing GS hears me and learning to live inside this dark night and befriend it. I have the feeling I will know this dark night very well long before it is over.

LENTEN PREPARATION:

I had hoped it would be a bit warmer, but at 37 degrees and dry, I decided to go ahead and burn the aging palm branches that have been in the garage for 1-2 years.
It took abit to burn serveral branches (still have a lot of palms left). I let the metal can cool for a while, which at this temperature wasn't all that long. Then I used a wood stick with flat end and stomped them (not unlike a mortar and pestal). I brought the can in, took a small glass bowl and my small mesh sifter (the kind with a half bowl screen mesh and a handle) and put ash in and tapped it against my hand. I filled the sifter about 4-5 times (it's a really small one with finer mesh)and dumped the larger slivered pieces into the garbage. What ended up in the bowl, was a fine dark, black ash. The best I have ever made. I put them in a ziplock bag for storage.
And while the ash burned I said a prayer of blessing for all who will receive these ashes on Ash Wednesday.
They turned out so well, that I plan to burn the rest of the palm branches tomorrow when the temps should be in the 40's and dry. We will have enough ashes to last us the rest of our preaching careers. (And just as fine and great as the ones you buy.) Finally, I was able to do something well and right. I didn't muck it up in any way and they turned out beautifully.
And so, slowly, the preparation for Lent is taking shape and I am wearing the pungent odor of burned palms which have a singular smell that is staying with me and reminding me of my mortality and causing me to reflect more on what is dying and needs to die in my life, in order for rebirth and something new to take shape. Perhaps, with the burning of the palms there has been a burning of my sins as well. Out of the ashes arises new hope.

RGBP'S FRIDAY FIVE - TRAINS, PLANES & AUTOMOBILES

1. What was the mode of transit for your last trip?
LH's car to the Lake House on Lake Michigan in Wisconsin. Or my minivan,
Mystic, in which I travel home every week and use near every day.

2. Have you ever traveled by train?
Yes, I rode Amtrak from college (Springfield, IL area) to home (Chicago).
I've ridden the train from Frankfort to Basel, and all over Switzerland, main
SBB and regional.
I've also spent many hours on the "EL" in Chicago.


3. Do you live in a place with public transit and if so, do you ever use it?
Not really. And so I don't use it.

4. What's the most unusual vehicle in which you ever traveled?
Let's see...a cable car (gondola) up mountains in Switz. and Table Mountain,
South Africa.
Cog wheel trains in Switzerland and Cape of Good Hope, South Africa.
An amphibious Duck in the Wisconsin Dells.
A Degot - a french made, cheap "duck" car. You folded the back window up
halfway to open it!!
A Citroen - with hydraulic back suspension, what a soft, smooth ride (in the
'60's and '70's)
A CAT bulldozer - my Dad would take me for a "spin" at the dealership where
he worked or one out at a construction site.

5. What's the next trip you're planning to take?
Well, hopefully, Sunday afternoon I'll trek back home for the night.
In June, we'll fly across the Pond to merry old England to celebrate my
nephew's wedding to his British wife. Then a quick trip to Switzerland to
vist a couple relatives. We'll be flying and driving ourselves around.

350th POST!

I hope I am not overstepping any etiquette boundaries of RGBP, but as an on-line community of clergywomen, I am wondering what happens when one of us drops out? How can we encourage and support them? So, I send out this plea -
Cheesehead, we miss you. I know that you are taking time to heal, refocus, and be renewed. Know that there are so many of us who care for you, and are surrounding you with prayer. We miss your voice, your wisdom, your humor, your faithful obsersvations and hope it will return one day. Truly you are missed. I know this is a difficult time for you - it has been for me as well and for others. Maybe we can walk through this together and find our faith, our joy, restored.
Just wanted to let you know this and put it out there for our members to consider how we can be there for one another.
Come back when you feel you are ready, but know that you are missed and loved.

FLAT TIRE -
So yesterday on my way to visit a parishioner, my left back tire just blew. I moved over to the wee little berm there was on the two lane road. I put on my flashers. When it was safe, I got out to look at the tire - it was blown, like non-repairable blown.
Got back in the car, called the National Emergency Car Service Club and was told help would be there within an hour. I called the parishioner and apologized, and rescheduled the visit for today. About 45 minutes later, the tow truck appears. The whole time I waited in the car, desperately praying that no semi-truck would hit me.
I backed the van into an extra wide driveway and the competent young fellow went straight to work - found the spare tire, jacked up the van and in almost no time had the spare tire on. He declared the tire unrepairable and cautioned me, "no hot rodding" on the spare tire. Since my tires were only a year and a half old, I had to drive into the Shopping Mecca of this area about 1/2 hour away. Took it bit longer as I had to keep under 55 miles per hour.
Arrived at the National Tire Store, where they were busy. So, I had to wait and then wait some more. I left there about 5:45 pm in time for some supper and a quick stop to a craft store to pick up some clay. I got home around 7:30 pm.
The whole time, I didn't panic, didn't rage, and just let it be as it was. I calmly called the Auto Club, and parishioner. I calmly drove to the Tire Store. I calmly waited until they replaced my tire and paid the $90.00 on the credit card. I called LH and let him know.
I don't know where or why I was so calm. Usually, I panic some, then I get angry at my day and time being totally trashed by such a thing. It didn't happen this time at all.
Is it my age? Is is that even in this dark night, I know that God is with me? Is it that because of the ennormity of the Haitian earthquake and the overwhelming suffering, that this seemed piddlysquat in comparison?
Perhaps, it is a combination of all these things. Whatever it was, I liked my response. Calm, cool, collected. Not shaken, panicked or raging. Just an acceptance of what is. Such things happen. What can you do? You go along with it, get it solved as quickly as possible and go on your way.
Now, if only this will translate to all other areas of my life - it would make things so much easier!!!!

PRAYERS FOR HAITI -

Certainly our prayers and grieving, anguished spirits are with the suffering in Haiti.
The scenes are horrific and devasting and the countless lives lost.
Many donation sites are cropping up.
As for me, I will stick with PDA (Presbyterian Disaster Assistance) - which never gets mentioned on news sites and Lutheran World Relief. Every penny of every dollar goes directly for aid for those impacted by the disaster.
People beware. Choose to give where your dollar will be best spent and not pocketed by those scheming to make a profit and quick buck off such a disater. Choose wisely and well. Our mainline denominations are honest and trustworthy with these funds and use every penny for aid.
Americans are such generous people, so willing to offer help and be of service, just choose wisely and well where to donate your money. At such times as this, I am thankful to be an American, to stand with others, to help, to pray, to grieve, to comfort, to offer some measure of hope and to jump in to offer aid.
God be with and hold in God's gracious, sorrowing love the victims, the nation, the relief and aid workers and the grieving families of all in Haiti.

DARK NIGHT OF MY SOUL -
As I do more reading and reflecting, it has become more and more obvious that I am experiencing a dark night - la noche oscura. It probably began two years ago when some energy and spirit left me. It really came out this past year and now, I am in the thick of it. Struggling with it. Living with it. Wrestling with it.
I have been through a dark night before and it lasted quite some time. This one seems to have settled in for the long haul. I don't want to grope around in dark obscureness, searching for God, longing so desperately to feel God's presence. I know that I can never be beyond the realm of God's care or presence (that came out of my last dark night) but it still feels that way at times in my heart and in my soul.
A colleague's dark night lasted seven years. God knows that I can't function with such a protracted dark night. At least I hope God knows me well enough for that.
Of course, Mother Terese struggled for years as well. What makes me think I should be spared?
Trusting God, trusting the darkness in which God is so mysteriously at work, takes all that I am. There is preparation for something in this time and I have to let it unfold in all its mystery, unknownness, and surprising wonder. As a seed sits in the cold dank dark ground all through the winter, as Jesus lay in the dark tomb on Saturday, God works in the dark as well as in the light. Jesus was born in the night, arrrested at night. When he died, darkness covered the land. Even Nicodemus came to Jesus in the dark of the night to ask his questions. God guided the Israelites through the wilderness with a pillar of fire by night. God created from nothing and darkness.
I don't know how long this dark night will last but I pray that I may endure it, learn from it, befriend it. But I am not there yet. Not quite ready to befriend it. But pray about that I shall to the Great Silence.
I feel more like I am mired in this dark night. I went into it to kicking and screaming and died or am still dying into it. Now that I know, that I am in this dark night and that God works in this dark night, that awareness brings me some measure of comfort and assurance and makes it a shade less painful.
How have your dark nights been for you? Have they been of long endurance or shorter times? How best have you dealt with your dark nights?

WEATHER FORECAST -
Not good. We're in line to get several inches of snow this afternoon, tonight and tomorrow.
I will leave earlier and try to get home in one piece with my van. Freezing rain has already iced over the windshield. It will be a challenging drive home, no doubt.
I should be at a meeting late this afternoon about an hour S of here - but I run the risk of not making it home. Torn between my duty and being able to see LH and the boys. It is not easy.
I also have my banking, oil change, laundry and grocery shopping to do, plus pick up the things I need for my children's sermon. Home is winning out. There will be another meeting next month.
I don't want to slide off the road or be stuck somewhere.
May God be merciful, gracious and forgiving.

A NEW YEAR

The snow continues to flake from the grey skies in this freshly born new year.
The year has just begun and already I'm tired, or rather fatigued. Probably, from the stress and the fact that I have yet another funeral this week. It is another one who was baptized in the church and never lived into that baptism through a connection with a faith community. Fortunately, it will all take place at the funeral home and graveside and there will be no luncheon at the church giving the church ladies a week off!
I tend to stress greatly over funerals, praying that somehow, the words I speak will offer some measure of comfort, impart the hope of faith in Christ, ease the heartache. I am always questioning, what will I say this time? Somehow, the Spirit inspires and helps provide words and God reminds me of God's endless supply of grace.
I think back to when LH's Mom passed away from a massive stroke back in 1999.
She lived with her second husband in a small rural town in central Illinois. When she died, the far-flung and out of touch family gathered in this very small town on the day after John Kennedy Jr.'s plane went down.
One estranged brother, who journeyed to town, simply couldn't face the family and stayed in the motel room. The other came from across the border from Canada, the daughters, and the other estranged brother were present as well as LH and myself.
The funeral home was a page out of a turn-of-the-century novel with flocked wall paper in one room and in the parlor - hunting scene wall of red coated hunters on horses leaping over fences, following foxhounds on the scent of a fox, no doubt. Oddly curious for a funeral home parlor!
The poor pastor was not even from this small town, that one was out of town on vacation, and he was the interim pastor of a congregation from yet another small town with no connection to the family. ( I understand that, being an interim and often not having much connection with a family - like the funeral I'll be officiating tomorrow.) Apparently, he was told by the Aunt (LH's Mom's sister) that the one son was a Lutheran pastor also and his wife was a Presbyterian pastor. I suppose that could unnerve even the most self-confident of us, clergy.
I couldn't even remember the passage he preached on. It was a long, overly long message (20-30 minutes in length) that seemed unending and probed the Kennedy tragedy playing out on CNN that day. Why such focus on the Kennedy's and so little on this family's grief and loss?
I was hard-pressed to hear words of comfort, hope and grace in this rambling, rather irrelevant sermon. I was convinced that the one brother, an adherent of an eastern religion who grew up Lutheran, after this funeral sermon, would never, ever return to his Christian faith. (He hasn't). How badly I felt for LH and his family, who needed to hear a word of grace, hope and comfort and somehow never received it.
In the car ride to the cemetery, the daughters came up with words to describe the funeral sermon for their mother: "horrendous, awful, etc." Not what one would ever expect to hear but all too true.
My sister and I were blessed with two good funeral sermons and services by two different Presbyterian pastors in two different states, one of which was a woman interim pastor. We left our respective services, ministered too, assured, comforted, hopeful, soothed, and blessed, amid our deep grief and sorrow. When my Dad was diagnosed, my sister brought him to the Windy City, back from the Sunshine state, where he and Mom had retired to several years earlier. So, the interim pastor there had no knowledge of my Dad, even though it was the church of which my sister was a member.
I pray that whenever I officiate at a funeral, that God's grace would flow through me and the words I speak, that no family will go away scratching their heads, feeling worse than before, and left in the pit of their grief.
Here it is, the first week of a new year, and already a funeral! I've been doing a funeral nearly every week since mid December. I pray this is the last one for a good long while. But I had hoped that since the last one.
It will be a long week, this first week of the new year. There will be two meetings, I won't be home til near 7:30 pm on Thursday, and Presbyery meets Sat. morning meaning I lose my other day off. My hair is turning greyer as I write with barely the hope of being colored, my van is due for an oil change, laundry and grocery shopping will need to be done, the shower stall is screaming for a scrubbing, the van needs an e-check before I can renew my plates! My husband and greys will barely see me as I run around doing errands on Friday and off again on Sat. morning. Simply not enough time to be together, to be home. It is exhausting just thinking about it all.
I will live it day by day, in the present moment with which God has gifted and graced me. And I am thankful- for a home to go to, for my greys who await my coming, and for LH who I miss so much. May the snow fall lightly upon the roadways in the next day or two and by Thursday abate, so that I may travel swiftly and well, back to the ones I love.

NEW YEAR'S EVE:

On this last day of 2009, there are things I am glad are over -
the pain of leaving the church I was serving, the pain of LH doing the same, the anxiety of an uncertain, unknown future and finances.
There are things for which I give much thanks - my wonderful birthday celebration, time to spend with my family, time to make my own spaghetti sauce, time to spend with the greys, my unintentional sabbatical, all the books I read, this interim position I'm serving, LH's interim position.
There are things unresolved and that we just have to live with and into for the coming New Year - living apart, temporary positions, etc.
I pray that 2010 will come in burgeoning with hope and promise for jobs for people, better economy, less hatred and more respect of life and one another, that terrorists will not wreck greater havoc, that there would be food, medicine, shelter and education for the peoples of this world (I know, idealistic but with hope for the not yet fullness of the Kingdom of God), good health, and to continue to trust God in all this uncertainty.
So, celebrate this present moment, the gift and grace this day is. Let go of grudges, anger, resentment, disappointment, hurts and sorrows. Do not carry that extra baggage into the New Year. Step into 2010 with lightness, not taking ourselves too seriously, honoring one another, loving with the heart of Christ, praying, dancing and working to build up and not tear down our faith communities, open to the Spirit of God's leading and nurturing a willingness to walk down unknown paths and trusting God in making ways where there is none.
Be blessed, be graced, sip the bubbly and toast this New Year and all that yet lies before us, knowing we are ever in God's love and care.
Happy 2010 to all and may the entire universe sing with hope!

WHAT I DIDN'T GET FOR CHRISTMAS -

What I didn't get for Christmas and wish I had - Amazon.com gift card!!!!!
I have a list of books already started and waiting until I have enough saved to purchase a few.
Best thing to give a preacher - book money!!!!!!

MERRY SNOWY DAY!

With an inch on the ground, it is snowing some with more this afternoon. The trees and bushes looked so lovely this morning. And with the break between snowfalls, the roads were rather clean this morning, except, of course, our subdivision and the secondary roads. I arrived at church in one hour and 15 minutes.
(Going home on Sunday - it took just 50 minutes!)
Got our new computer hooked up and installed. Really miss our solitare and cribbage game which isn't configured for the new monitor size and Windows 7. Such a pity, it was a way to relax and sometimes to collect my thoughts as I played Forty Thieves trying to best the computer. It still works on my laptop, thankfully.
Christmas Day was a quiet one. LH had an 11 am Christmas Day service. We opened gifts after lunch and called my family. LH was down for a nap, while I put bows and ribbons and packed up my nephew and wife's gifts to go Rocky Mountain State. They return from spending Christmas in England today. The package should arrive tomorrow or Wed. - in time for New Year's.
My niece is hoping to come in for New Year's Day, have dinner, spend the night and Sat morning. Haven't seen her since last Feb. Hope the weather holds out so she can make the drive East. Hope LH gets the house vacuumed, the floors mopped and bathrooms cleaned. (I cleaned the kitchen appliances and will be doing all the cooking!)
New Year's Day menu will be fairly easy - Ham, glazed in the oven, Green Bean Casserole and Spaetzli (premade). Brownies for dessert. Salsa chicken dip for snacking. Eggs Benedict will be served for breakfast. Our tradition once a year!
New Year's Eve will entail more work. Something from the freezer for dinner.
Island Sweet and Sour Meatballs for a midnight snack. Panetonni (is it one N or two?) heated in the oven, and making and baking Swiss braid bread (2 little loaves so that niece can take one home with her.)
Mostly, for Christmas, I was just so thankful that it was dry on Christmas Eve day and night, so that I could get to church from home and get home after worship service without any trouble. God was so good and full of mercy! I just wanted to be home for Christmas and I was. No better Christmas gift than that (not counting God's gift of love to us in Jesus Christ, of course!)
May this week be quiet before all the work the New Year will bring!
take one home.)

LOST SOUL -

When, O Lord, will I find my soul? It is lost and wandering. It has been spent and bruised. Perhaps, it is huddled behind a bush, tucked away in a corner somewhere still healing. I keep looking for it and simply cannot find it. I keep pressing on, soul-less. I ache for my soul. I miss it so much. Perhaps, it is lying somewhere like a deflated balloon barely noticeable on the pavement. Perhaps, it is wandering in the darkness desperately seeking the light and groping for the switch.
When, O Lord, will I find my soul?
I am not right without it.
When, O Lord, will I find my soul?
Are you holding it, mending it, tending it, healing it, speaking to it in words no ear can hear? Are you molding it, working it, fashioning it for something new?
When, O Lord, will I find my soul?
I want to be me again. Please let it not take forty years. Nine months its been. As long as Mary was pregnant, or most any woman before giving birth.
In this season of birthing - can my soul be birthed anew?
When, O Lord, will I find my soul?
I wait. I can do no more, but to wait on you. Just know, that I am waiting to find my soul and trusting it is with you.

USE OF CHURCH PARKING LOT #5:

Teaching your teenager how to park! (Between the lines!)

Yup, looking out the window this afternoon and watching a parent teach their teen how to park. Good thing it's all angle parking. If it was parallel, they'd still be here!!!

NEW SHOES ARRIVED!

They pretty much fit, although I have to break them in. My bunions complain about that!
This week I have two funerals; one Tuesday and one Wednesday.
I didn't know either. Thankfully, another minister will be giving the message for the one.
I haven't had such a hectic week of Christmas before. I put in an 11 hour Sunday and today, I am still tired. Although, maybe it is fatigue from all the emotionalism of meeting with two sets of families yesterday.
Snow has fallen, highlighting the trees, covering the grass and roof tops. It sure looks pretty. Wish I had the Christmas spirit this year, but it has eluded and evaded me.
Wish you all a most wonderfully blessed and glorious Christmas and a New Year burgeoning with hope and promise. Peace, Joy and Love be yours.

NOBEL PEACE PRIZE

I guess I'm still pondering and stewing over awarding the Nobel Peace Prize to our President Obama. I'm mystified as to what he has done or done so far that is so deserving of this prestigious award. In my mind, he hasn't accomplished all that much except to get elected President and then having to deal with the economic crisis. Certainly, not up there with most past recepients of the NPP.
If you ask me, Greg Mortensen is far more deserving of the NPP than President Obama. He has done more in forging and developing relationships in Afghanistan/Pakistan and built schools to educate children, especially girls in order to bring about change. He has built trust, sacrificed much in his genuine care and passion for the people and children of this part of the world. And he does it without political attachments.
And it all started with a not so simple promise to build a school, to give the gift of thanks and appreciation to one tiny improvished village.
Yup, Greg Mortensen would've gotten my vote and in my mind and spirit is the true Nobel Peace Prize winner.

ADVENT FUNNY 2:

Here's another I ran across somewhere over the years!

The little boy was the innkeeper in the church's Christmas pagaent. He practiced his line, "Sorry, we have no room."
The day of the pagaent arrived and Mary and Joseph knocked on the inn door.
On cue the little boy looked at Joseph and Mary and said his line, "Sorry, we have no room." As Mary and Joseph dejectedly turned away, the boy said, "but you can come in for a cup of coffee."
Think it was a Lutheran Christmas pagaent?!!!?

GOD IN THE ORDINARY AND MUNDANE:

God has been fairly quiet the last few months. I mentioned that I am still praying to the Great Silence.
Well, it was a very cold morning and only about 25 today. So, I put on my grey wool pants (what a find at Talbot's outlet in Sept!), my grey cashmere blend socks (really keep my toes warm), a cream mockneck and my tweedy sweater cardigan.
I found the nubby,tweedy, blend of acrylic, poly, alpaca and mohair, one button cardigan at a discount retailer (which is always a hit and miss). It's grey, cream, camel, mocha colored which matches grey, khaki, ivory, taupe, etc. It even fits very well and nicely. I like the colors (neutral)and it is very warm. The price was right at $29.95. I think it was quite the find back in late Oct. before my move and beginning this interim.
I have often found that when I need certain clothing, shoes, etc. items and I find them, God has had a hand in it. When I go looking and nothing is quite right, or doesn't fit, or I can't find my (ample)size, then I know that God is saying, "Now is not the time." It's oddly strange but it just seems to work out that way.
I really didn't have money to spend on this wonderful cardigan, but I knew it would be go with several items and be warm.
This morning, as I sat in my office, feeling its warmth and softness wrapped around me, it was as though God was wrapping me in it to assure me and comfort me as a sign of God's providence and love. It was overwhelming and the Great Silence spoke in the ordinary, mundane, and earthly. Something I might not have paid much attention to at any other time. God reaches to us through even the simple, and material things around us.
This wonderfully warm sweater cardigan is something I will treasure and cherish not only through this winter season, but in many winter seasons to come. I cannot put it on without knowing that God has wrapped me in his love and care and even in this semi-exile God is reminding me that God is with me and providing for me. What a gift and a grace this has been.
Who would ever have thought that in an ordinary, simple, of no real account material thing like a sweater cardigan, God would make God's presence known? Only the God who would break into our world and lives on a dark night, in a little out of the way place like Bethlehem, in a grungy, smelly stable, as a new born baby! God comes to us in a myriad of ways to make known God's love. Thanks and praise be to God!

Advent Funny -

Ran across this one and can't remember from where it came:

Advent had just begun, so one Mom thought she'd see what the children remembered from their family devotions the year before. "Who can tell me what the four candles in the Advent wreath represent?" she asked.
Her son, Luke, jumped in with seven-year old wisdom and exuberance. "There's love, joy, peace, and...and..."
"I know!" five year old Elise interrupted to finish her brother's sentence: "Peace and quiet!"

May you enjoy some peace and quiet as we approach the fourth Sunday in Advent and Christmas Eve.

OUR 22ND ANNIVERSARY -

Saturday, LH and I exchanged anniversary cards. It was our 22nd year together. (Really, only 21 years of actually living together.) 11 months and 2 weeks before our first anniversary, we actually moved in together. Yup, ours was a commuter marriage for the first year. Not something I recommend to couples at pre-marital counseling. Not something I would want to repeat.
But, here, 22 years later, we are living apart again. Only this time, we're only an hour away, instead of 8 hours, and only 50.4 miles instead of 400 miles.
I miss LH. I miss not being home even at the end of a very long day. I miss not falling into bed and knowing he is there. I miss not having dinner together, even if it was only 3 nights in one week with all of our many meetings. I miss the Boys.
Even though LH is often in the den on the computer, while I'm in the family room with the greys, we are still together.
Perhaps, this time apart after 22 years, will refresh our relationship. Maybe, we will appreciate one another more and realize more fully what we mean to one another, and come to know all that the other did to keep the household intact and running smoothly and semi-cleanly.
I pray that the year will go by quickly - although I know one should never wish away time. Time, after all is so very precious and it goes by in the blink of an eye. There are so many who wish they had more time. So, I know I ought not to wish it away, but still...the year ahead seems to stretch interiminally before me. I will have to be content with the way that this time, this year will unfold.
The sacrifices of ministry are many. It's hard enough never to spend Christmas, or Easter or most any holiday with family who aren't living right around the corner. I haven't spent a Christmas with my family in 25 years. It's even harder, when you can't even go home at night to be with your spouse. There are times, when I ache for what I have given up as a minister.
I only have begun to feel this in the last year, as though, turning 50, brings to mind that the majority of my life has been spent and there remains much less before me. I'm beginning to feel that should I be fortunate enough to retire one day, I will really retire - no Presbytery meetings, serving on committees, supply preaching unless I really felt like it, etc. Just volunteering for mission - like delivering Meals On Wheels and the like. I hope that God will bless me with a time of "retirement" to spend time with LH and family and doing those things for which I never had the time or energy.
In the meanwhile, Advent beckons and with it the things that need tending and doing. It is afterall, that time.

NEW SHOES -

I really didn't plan on getting any new shoes, after all, we're living on a very tight budget. Since I have such trouble finding shoes I can actually wear without hurting my feet (bunions and all), I am content with my old ones. This morning I put on my pair of dark brown Soft Spots that I've had for 3-5 years with nary a thought.
I got to church, took care of some administrative things, went to bathroom and noticed some rough black edges around the left toe. Hhhmm...I thought. I slipped off the shoe and the sole was split from the upper shoe. I've never had that ever happen before and have no idea when it happened. I was going to drop off a game at the Salvation Army, but went home to change shoes first. Otherwise, they would think I was in need of a pair of shoes. Sigh. They don't make that model anymore. I had to order a suede wedge over the internet. Where else is one to find an 11W? I have no clue if they will fit. That's why I hate ordering shoes online or through a catalogue. But, if you find a shoe in a store that you like and it is a major manufacturer, I have to go online to get in my size. And if it doesn't fit right, I have to send it back. (more $$). I wish that stores would carry 11's and wides more frequently.
I saw a cute pair at Kohl's this past fall. I was thrilled to see they were dark brown. When I looked for an 11, no luck. I looked at the tag and the shoe only came up to a 10, which although I tried on was a bit too short. How disappointing.
Well, I hope the new shoes fit. I will take the old ones home to prove to LH that a new pair were in order!!! I only hope I haven't been wearing such air conditioned shoes for too long. I think not. I would have noticed it.
Speaking of things destroyed beyond repair, Jazz chewed through the wire of one of our window candles last week. Chewed it clean through. Fortunately, it was close enough to the plug so that LH could go to the big home store and get a new plug which he spliced together and the candle works just fine once again. Jazz has never chewed through any wires before and we're thankful, that it wasn't plugged in at the time. Although, come to think of it, perhaps a little shock might have detered him from ever attempting such a foolish thing again!!!
Hope the new shoes arrive by next Friday. Sure could use them this Friday!

RGBP'S BELATED FRIDAY FIVE - DO NOTHING EDITION

RevGalsBlogPals is simply asking what 5 things are you not doing for Christmas?

We are not doing much this Christmas, since I'm living 5 nights a week away from home.
Also, LH, has 2 Christmas eve services and a Christmas morning service.
We're just glad to have some together time on Christmas day!

1. I am not baking cookies. Haven't done it in several years. Pretty tough to do
when you pastoring a church.
2. I am not putting up many decorations.
3. We are not putting up a tree this year.
4. No big dinner. We'll keep it fairly simple.
5. No traveling to see FIL and SILS and no dinner out with them.

IN THE SPIRIT OF THE SEASON:

THINGS NEVER TO GIVE YOUR WIFE FOR CHRISTMAS: (author unknown)

1. A frying pan, blender, vacuum or washing machine.
2. A scale - either for weighing food or her body.
3. Perfume you say you liked when you smelled it on another woman.
4. A copy of the favorite recipe your mother always made you.
5. House shoes like your mother wears.
6. A nightgown one size too small, cut to fit waiflike models, made of
polyester, with sleeves that are so tight at the wrists they could pass
for tourniquets.

Go ahead, add to the list:
7.

PRESBYTERY MEETING ETIQUETTE:

Please, dear members of Presbytery, my brothers and sisters in Christ, remember these 3 simple civilities and we will honor one another and the worshipful work of our Presbytery meetings:

1. Turn off your cell phone during the meeting.
2. If it must be on, set it to vibrate.
3. If it must be on and it rings, excuse yourself and go to into the hallway,
narthex, wherever. We do not want to hear your conversation - it's usually more
than we want to know, or are interested in, it's distracting and disrupting when
someone is presenting or speaking to whole assembly, and you're usually talking
louder than you need to.
4. Repeat the above three steps as needed.

Thank you and see you at the next Presbytery meeting.

Thanksgiving Wrap-Up:
On Tues. I drove home for the evening and cooked the stock and the white and wild rice.
On Wed. I commuted in and back home that evening, I sauteed items for the stuffing, made the stuffing, made the cheeseball, and made the Pumpkin Mousse Dessert.
On Thurs. I polished silverware, washed the crystal, wiped the china, set the table, did laundry items, washed the turkey, stuffed the turkey, washed and peeled potatoes, cleaned 2 toilets. Actually, had time to put my feet up for a bit.
Company arrived - FIL and SILS.
LH keeps checking turkey - no drippings to baste. Rather odd.
Timer pops, I cook mashed potatoes, sweet potatoes, try to make gravy from few drippings. Put rolls into oven. Get all on the table. Stick extra stuffing into oven to bake.
Enjoy dinner with family.
Clear table. Brew coffee. Cut dessert, enjoy dessert.
Decarcass our "Arnold" Turkey - yes, we had an Arnold Schwarzenegger turkey - big (21 lbs) and sinewy/muscley. Never had such a sinewy turkey. It wasn't dried out even with little drippings. It was just a big turkey that must've worked out alot!!!
Make freezer and doggy bags.
FIL & SILS go home with leftovers.
I wash and dry all the crystal, china and silver by hand plus all the pots, etc.
I am too tired to put the china away and soak the turkey pan.
This weekend I got all my Christmas cards and letters done. I started last weekend already. LH signed his name, put the dog prints on them and on Sat. morning, I was off to the post office to get overseas stamps and holiday stamps. How nice to put them all into the mail slots.
I wrapped my sister's family gifts. Now I have to find a box and pack it well.
Still have two more boxes to wrap up all items and pack to send.
Trying to stay ahead, especially when I am not home in the evenings to take care of some of these things.
This year, we won't be putting up a tree - just not possible with my living mostly away from home. LH has 2 Christmas Eve services and a Christmas Day service. It won't leave us much time to enjoy Christmas together, and I leave the next day to return here.
I know that this wilderness time will last longer than Advent. I know that this lonely exile will last the year. Such are the sacrifices of ministry and this particular time.
I know that God is making a way through this wilderness time and does not leave me alone in this exile. It is hard though. I cling to the hope I know in Christ Jesus and to the God I know and love. I look to the time of deliverance. But, first I must live in, with and through this wilderness. Come, Lord Jesus, come.

THIS YEAR -
LH is vacuuming the house
LH is dusting
LH is mopping the floors
LH has bought the majority of Thanksgiving Day ingredients
LH will be picking up our ordered fresh turkey and produce still needed
LH is putting supper in the oven on Tues. & Wed. evenings
LH had to clean the dogbed from from doggy barf
LH had to clean the dining room curtains from a Jazz "accident"
LH is dusting the dining room and living room
LH is experiencing what I have done on a regular basis. Maybe not such a bad thing as he begins to realize all I have done in tending house and serving a church. I can't do any of this while away from home and can only do so much in a day and a half when I am home.
I did manage to put the Thanksgiving Shopping list together for LH. I composed our Christmas letter in English and German, got them all printed and am signing them and addressing envelopes and cards. They will be ready for his signature.
I have wrapped my FIL and SILS' Christmas gifts (which I also purchased) and they are ready for Thanksgiving Day. So, I am doing the things I can while away.
LH will have 2 Christmas Eve services and a Christmas Day service which means we will not see FIL & SILS over Christmas and New Years. We'll consider ourselves fortunate to have a Christmas Day dinner on the table and talk with family on the phone.
This year, all is different and unsettled. But God has cared for us and for that we are extremely grateful.

CURRENTLY -
Reflecting so deeply on Cheesehead's news and which touches the still healing wound of my soul, I am truly wondering what is happening with our churches. The majority of churches seem to be struggling for survival - even the ones who are welcoming and hospitable, use screens and power point, blended worship, etc.
I have heard that even the Big Tree Community in the posh suburb of Chicago has attendance down by 23%. That's almost a quarter of worshippers and attendees.
Has church become irrelevent to folks, to our society?
Are people not wanting to live deeply any more - wanting simple answers, attend a feel good motivation session and not be any more involved?
If that is where people are right now, than our churches will continue to struggle. What is a community of faith? Bound together in the love and faith of Christ, developing a deeper life, hearing what we need to hear and not merely what we want to hear, being asked something of ourselves and our lives, to give sacrificially out of love for Christ and one another, to make disciples, to know there is no greater joy in life than to be held in God's love, to sing, to pray, to challenge, to support one another in our life's journey of faith and relationship with God.
I suppose I'm old fashioned, not with it. But I don't watch or like reality TV which is mindless and takes not much creativity, imagination, or intelligence to produce. where is the sharp comedy of MASH, FRAZIER, SEINFELD, etc.
We have become mediocre and have settled for things mediocre. We fill our lives with triviality on Facebook and Twitter. Do I really care or need to know that you're wearing pink flipflops or having a grilled cheese sandwich for lunch. Let me know how it is with your soul, where you find true and lasting hope, where the grace is in your life, what are your hopes and dreams.
I pray for our churches, I pray for Cheesehead, for pastors serving churches. It is a dark time.
So many of our churches are anxious about their survival and it seems that their pastor is an easy target for their underlying anxiety, even if the pastor has done much to allay anxiety, to be prophetic, to build up, to be faithful to God's intent and desire. I wonder how many more pastors will bear the burden and the brunt of such anxiety. LH and I both have and I know there are others.
Church is us together in the Lord. It is not the pastor's fault for these cosmic shifts that are presently occurring. We all must look to ourselves, see that we all bear responsibility, see that we are all imperfect and yet, held in grace. Unfortunately, it is usually the pastors that are the scapegoats. (except for the ones who are truly incompetent).
And in the end, we are called to bring God's message, to love and to serve, to embody hope, and to keep trusting God through all the changes and chaos in the universe and in our lives. We keep going because the message of God's love, grace and transformation is too great not to share.
In this near Advent time, Come, Lord Jesus, Come. Take hold of the hurting and bring the shalom of your healing. Embrace the anxious and fill them with hope. Bring your joy to our churches. Sound the love song of our lives that the universe may reverberate with your goodness and glory. Amen.
That is my prayer.

JAZZ UPDATE -

LH just called and Jazz, who ran into the bluebird house pole last Sat. couldn't be stitched at this point. His back leg has quite a raw spot made much bigger by his licking. We may have to put the Elizabethian collar on him. It wasn't too bad on Sat. but his licking and its location - over a bony and bent part of his upper leg - certainly contributed to his present condition.
Needless to say, LH dug up the bluebird house pole, filled in the hole with dirt.
We haven't had nesting bluebirds in 4 years due to the sparrows, nasty little creatures, who keep kicking the bluebirds out.
I'll be able to see Jazz tonight and give him some comfort!
What a grey!

Rekindling the Joy of My Faith -

Given our present tenuous situation, being away from home most of the week, starting a new position serving a church, and still healing, I pray that God will rekindle the joy of my faith and life.
I am grateful for the hammock of God's love, care and provision for us thus far.
I am grateful for the opportunity to serve this community of faith.
I am grateful for LH and the boys and my family.
I am grateful for our health.
Yet, that spark, the fun, the joy, the delight that once was so much a part of me has disappeared and I so long and desire for its return.
It feels like Holy Saturday - after the death of Good Friday - but that long day before Resurrection.
I take heart that even Mother Teresa had a dark night of the soul that lasted for years. I pray that mine won't last so long. Yet, inspite of her doubt, her longing for closeness with God, Mother Teresa continued to live her faith, to serve in love and with compassion. She is my example these days and my inspiration.
My spiritual discipline for now is to keep living my faith, even though God feels so far away, to serve in and with the love I've known in Christ Jesus, to be grateful, to pray to the Great Silence, and to continue to seek the presence of God.
'Tis all that I can do and leave the rest to God and God's Spirit. Ah, yes, and to hold onto hope for the coming Resurrection.

NEW POST - NEW POSITION

Started my new interim position on Sunday, All Saints' Day.
Spent two days moving into the apartment - kitchenware, bedding, clothes, shoes,etc.
Pretty lonely not being able to be home with LH and the Boys!
The first week or two are always the hardest in starting somewhere new. It's even more difficult when I can't go home in the evening.
LH and I spent the first year of our marriage in a commuter marriage and now 22 years later, here we go again.
I will not lose heart or get too discouraged. My new mantra.
I am counting the days - 2 1/2 till I can go home. Will have to take my laundry with me and a couple other things that will just get carted back and forth every week.
How can things be so unsettled and chaotic at this point in our lives?
There is absolutely no stability in the lives of pastors or clergy couples. We get lulled into a time of "normalcy" but then it changes and one or both of us are seeking new positions. There is nothing settled about God or about serving God.
How I miss LH, the Boys - Jett and Jazz - and the haven of my own home.

YET ANOTHER DISAPPOINTMENT:

LH just heard that the part-time interim close by was offered to another who orginally had some distance concerns or wanted full time.I know he is deeply disappointed. He has an interview scheduled for next month and another church where his name was given as a candidate.
It is hard not to feel disheartened and discouraged. I am trying very hard not feel as though there is some evil voodoo floating around in the universe. I know that there is always evil at work in the world, but this is getting a bit too close to home.
As I deal with leaving home for this 3/4 time interim next week, having to draw out of our retirement savings to make all our payments, I, at times, feel so overwhelmed by it all and struggle, really struggle, to see God bringing a new thing to bear in our lives, to hold onto God's promises of new and abundant life and to lead us into that life. It is hard not to get too depressed.
Pray for us. Pray that LH will soon be offered a position that will be good for the church and for him and us. With the love of Christ in my heart still, I thank you.

RGBP'S FRIDAY FIVE - On Your Feet!

1. What is your favorite footwear at this time of your life?
Something comfortable, not over 2 inch heel, wide, cushioned.
I really like the Soft Spots Stephanie pumps. Wish they came in
brown.

2. What is the craziest shoe, boot or sandal you ever wore?
Probably a platform shoe or sandal in the early '70's.

3. What kind of shoes did you wear in your childhood?
Practical ones - brown, black or white, depending on the season.
Black and white saddle shoes were my favorite - flat, wide, comfortable.
Got pretty upset when my Mom threw out an oldish pair. Hated to see them
go out of style.

4. How do you feel most comfortable? Barefoot, flip-flops, boots, or what?
My Columbia suede mules - just slide in. At home, my boiled wool slippers
which keep my feet warm but not sweaty.

5. What kind of socks do you like if any?
In the winter, my cashmere blend socks. They keep my feet so nice and warm
and they're soft!

BONUS: Anything you want to share about feet or footwear.
Now you've pushed my button!!! What's up with shoes these days? Either
they have 3 inch heels or none at all. The vamps often cut right across
my bunions. And why can't some of the styles come in a 11 wide? Sometimes
10's are too short. All the cute styles don't come in 11 or 10 W.
It must be the shoe manufacturers' and designers' conspiracy!!!! Yet,
bunions come from too narrow a shoe. They have created deformed feet in
the middle-aged. (some of its hereditary, though!)

Things Are Different:
When lives are in transition you notice how different things have become and are.
With both LH and I in the call process, we are experiencing the lack of open calls at the moment. Fortunately, God has provided me with an interim position even though it involves my only being home 2 nights a week. LH is interviewing for a short interim the next town over. That would buy us some time before a major move.
However, LH is also interviewing a small rural church far from much of anything and it has a very small manse with a one car garage.
It has been nice to have our own home, to have 2 1/2 baths, and a kitchen with some counter space and cabinets. Our house is nothing spectacular, just an ordinary, average house in a middle class subdivision. We live simply, moderately (although our basement is full with retreat items, books, leftovers from our move, craft supplies, Christmas presents for this year).
I am struggling with leaving this home and having to go into a parsonage again where pastors and their families are expected to make do. It will only have one bathroom, the bedrooms and closets will be small, and the yard is not fenced in for our greys. I don't expect luxurious surroundings. But why would a church hold on to a manse that has only one bathroom? What family in this day and age can function with only one bath? Have I been too spoiled? I think not. This will be a very hard move to make and many of our things and books will have to go into storage. I know it is only the two of us and we don't have children. But if and when family visits it will be awkward. It is so rural, that buying a home would entail living a town or two away. I don't think the church would be open to that. Sigh.
I will cross that bridge when we get to it. Perhaps, God has something else in mind for us that has not yet made itself known. Have to trust in God and what God yet has in store for us. I am trying desperately to be open, but it is so very hard. I know we do not lead "normal lives", but must we have to live in ways most parishioners don't? Am I way off base here?

Fall Learning

This is what I learned this fall -
Never let your Siberian Iris go for 6 years without digging them up and
dividing them.

I dug out four clumps of Siberian Iris- 3 of which did not bloom well this year.
It took the spade and all my weight, which is on the heavy side, to lift those clumps. My muscles are still complaining today.
It is a reminder not to let things go too long without tending to them -putting stuff away where it belongs, filing, etc. I hate to admit it, but I often let things go too long before tending to them and there is that much more work and effort. I know far better than I do, as St. Paul reminds me.
I suppose that most falls I am busy with the starting up of the church program year. This year I am tending to my healing and trying hard to prepare my heart and soul and spirit to begin a new interim position. So, I've had time to tend to those things that have neglected for some time.
Lesson is getting learned.
I had hoped we would have made a move by now, and I wouldn't have had to dig them except for taking the few Iris I would have taken with me. Which in retrospect, I still would have had to dig them all up anyway, since I couldn't just dig up a few.
I replanted a much smaller amount of Iris complete with some fresh garden soil and some really crappy cow manure-organic matter made by a well-know fellow's name company. I can't believe I found plastic bag bits, a small stick, a few rocks (I have plenty of my own thank you very much! So many of my own that I can hardly find a place to dig anywhere!), some weeds that were already growing in it (again, I have plenty of my own growing wildly here!), and moss covered pieces. Course, I like moss, but not necessarily in my manure compound. I was very disappointed in this product, because we use the same company's fertilizer for our lawn and that has worked rather well. I should've been clued in by the .99 cent price. I thought it was just on clearance.
Lesson 2 - You get what you pay for. No more cheap priced cow manure for me!

I wasn't planning on planting anything, but the open area left by clearing out the Iris and the Pin Cushion plant debris cried out for something. I picked up an "Autumn Joy" Sedum which I know will outgrow its present spot. But I liked the crimson flowers and the color of the leaves - lighter green. I'm not a huge Mum fan and that's all you see these days around here at this time of year. So, I couldn't resist the Sedum.
Next, I will have to pull my tomato plants and let the green tomatoes finish ripening on the vines in the garage. I will harvest some sage, the parsley and cut down the chives. Then I will put down the Sweet Peet which was so good for the garden last Spring. It's pricey but very good. That's why it just goes in my herb garden and not the big flower beds out front.
Finally, I'll have to take down the flowerboxes and say good bye to the red geraniums and enjoy not dead-heading everyday.
Those were my two lessons this fall thus far. I'm sure there are more to come as the month goes by.

IN THE KITCHEN & GARDEN

We arrived home from our trip to the Land of Lincoln and America's Dairyland where we celebrated my sister's b-day and LH's b-day - one Italian dinner and one Greek dinner and we are neither. But the Swiss have an Italian canton!!!
The tomatoes in the bowl on the kitchen counter were ripe and I was able to pick a few more off the vines making for another 4 lbs.. Too much to eat, so I cooked them up and made another two quarts of tomato sauce.
With the frost forecasted for Wednesday evening, I harvested the Basil which cannot tolerate very cold. I made some pesto sauce with the majority of it and am drying the remaining twig. Had I had the pesto sauce recipe last year, I would have planted more basil!!!!
Today, I will make Florentine Lasagna with my homemade tomato sauce! This will give LH and I several meals in the weeks to come. Florentine Lasagna is my term for meat lasagna with spinach mixed into the ricotta. Usually, Italian dishes that contain spinach are called "Florentine", although not in Italy, where we had very few dishes in Florence that actually contained any spinach at all.
So, this week I was in the kitchen and in the garden.
I also was using the sewing machine to shorten a skirt from a suit and will shorten a pair of lightweight grey wool pants I picked up at the Talbots outlet store while visiting my sister.
This unintended Sabbatical will end at the end of this month. There has been space and breathing room to heal. I have missed the rhythm of preaching and worship. I have enjoyed catching up on things around the house and that it is much cleaner than before. Still cluttered, but cleaner.
In the next couple weeks, I will be preparing for my time away from home with the new interim position; finding my confidence, preparing to serve again, getting items needed for the efficiency apartment, trying desperately not to miss the dogs and LH too much, trusting that God is with me and will work things out, and that LH will soon have a position himself.
Soon, I will be fertiilizing the lawn, putting down some Sweet Peat and laying the garden and flowerbeds to rest. Always a somewhat sad time to say good bye to all my flowering friends and to harvest the herbs.
As the growing season comes to end, so does this Sabbatical. The flowerbeds and garden will enjoy their fallow time and my fallow time is over and the hardwork of spring preparing has begun now in autumn.

Been Thinkin'

Been thinking of our upcoming separation in another month. I will be renting an efficiency to save miles on my van and because I know the winter commute may be very tricky. I understand that we have to do what we have to do, but it still doesn't sit well with me. LH and I were separated the first year of our marriage by 400 miles and an 8 hour drive. We moved in together 2 weeks before our first anniversary. I really don't want this situation. I want to be able to see LH at the end of the day or to have dinner together. I will miss my boys - Jett and Jazz fiercely and they will miss me greatly as well.
I will be hauling laundry back and forth and books and files. I will be living in two places and it will be unsettling.
I don't know what will happen when LH finds a new position. We cannot pay two mortgages and rent. I just have to trust that God will help us find a way through and change my attitude over this imposed separation. I cannot let my longings and resentment at this situation interfere with serving the congregation in a time of transition and change for them. This awkward, unsettled time of change and transition is one the church and I will be going through together and we will trust God to lead us and bring us to a place of new beginnings and new life.
In the meanwhile, we are heading for a few days to the Land of Cheese and to celebrate my sister's birthday and LH's birthday. It's been 5 years since we celebrated my sister's birthday in person. We decided to take advantage of our time off to be with family.
I keep praying that a position will open up for LH before too long so that we can start getting the house on the market.
Jazz is quite a character and we've had to crate him when we are gone. He's the first grey we've had to crate. The others have all behaved and learned the routine quickly. Jazz has conquered the stairs and sleeps in our bedroom in his bed at the foot of our bed. Jazz has more trouble going down the stairs and moving relaxed and slowly on the tile floor.
Perhaps, on the tile floor of our lives right now, there's a message for me too. To move relaxed and slowly through this time, trusting and having faith in God. Praying for courage, wisdom, strength during this coming month.

NEW ADDITION:

604.7 miles and a whole day later, we have welcomed a new grey into our lives - Jazz. Jazz joins Jett who also made the trip with us - and slept the whole day after!!!
After unintentionally fostering 2 other greys, this one seems to be a good match.
Ty was just too aggressive towards males and LH, and otherwise would have been a pretty good grey.
Jazz is brindle, short and compact compared to Jett, our fawn who is lean, long and very elegant. Jett is probably getting a bit tired of the whole affair of having to share with a new fellow and just about the time, the newbie learns the routine, he's taken back and yet another newbie arrives.
Jazz gets along with LH, wags his tail, climbs up the stairs and sleeps at the foot of our bed, hasn't had one accident yet, is good natured, curious, and seems to be content. He's 5 years old and we'll have to look up his racing record to see how he fared on the track. He seems to have been well-treated for the most part, which is good.
When we adopted our first grey - there were 50 greyhound tracks across the country. Now on our fourth grey, there are only 27 race tracks still left with a couple closing by the end of this year. That's half the tracks closed in 17 years.
Maybe there will be more responsible and less breeding and every grey will have a home when they are done racing.
Hard to believe that we've lived with greys for 17 years! Can't believe it's been that long- doesn't seem that long! Each has had their unique personalities and quirks and we've loved them all.
So we are joyed to have Jazz be a part of home, hearts and pack!

Ever see things you wish you didn't? Kinda like surfing the channels on TV and getting a glimpse of some bloody murder scene, an operation in progress, an emaciated animal, etc. Being home you see things around the neighborhood you normally wouldn't. Like there are about 4 of us neighbors who are not gainfully employed at the moment, at least around the cul-de-sac.
Since, we haven't gotten to know our neighbors real well, I often come up with nicknames that identify who is who. Funny, I can usually remember their dog's name while forgetting theirs!!!
There is a Yuppie couple (now with 2 boys and a new chocolate lab puppy) who live a few houses down. Yes, they've had Beamers and Range Rover's and a set of parents who drive a Jaguar and/or Mercedes Benz. I've notice of late, that he is home more, like the couple across the street who are rarely outside - they have 1 one year old and a Basenji.
While I was vacuuming out the van in preparation for our road trip, LH was in the driveway ready to go to the grocery store. He comes in and says, "The repo man is here." Sure enough, the nice looking Beamer is on the flatbed truck and and no longer in the garage of the Yuppies.
Felt pretty bad for them. I would be mortified. With both of us not serving and working, we are in a tenuous position ourselves. But we paid for our vehicles and neither are imports, just your average vehicles.
Perhaps, there is a lesson in all this about not projecting more than we are and have, not living beyond our means, saving, spending wisely. I don't know that they have any or much of a faith life, but somehow, with faith, priorities and values surrounding money are different. Part of what created the economic mess we're in, is not only predatory lending or greed, but also, folks who lived beyond their means. It is sad really. I pray that this family is able to get back on their feet soon, that he will find a new job, and that they will have learned to live within their means.
Sometimes, you see things you wish you hadn't, but you can't shut out reality and take in what you see with the eyes of faith, love and compassion.

Road Trip -
This year, we have unintentionally fostered two greyhounds. We are hoping that the third one's a keeper. Ty, although, he has settled down some, still has some male aggression and bit LH on his head, who wasn't provoking Ty in the least. Wearing blue jeans seems to bring it out more. Ty would make a great companion for a single female who needs protection. Most greys aren't "watch dogs" at all, preferring to welcome everyone who comes to the door with a sniff and wagging tails. Ty, is protective and barks. It's a shame because he did stairs right off the bat, when he had an accident, it was always on the tile floor and not the carpeting, and he responds to "NO".
So, this week we, LH and I, Ty and Jett will head to the Greyhound Rescue Organization's headquarters and together pick out a new grey. If only this wasn't a state away!!!! 10 hours on the road. It will be a long and tiring day.
We've enjoyed three wonderful greyhounds who all had some adjustment to make - but they all responded to "NO" and although two were wary of males none showed any aggression. We want so to welcome a new grey into our hearts and lives and homes and give them a second chance at life and a new life in a loving home with all the creature comforts they have never known and to which they readily adapt.
Jett now yearns for chest rubs once a day.
When I begin a new interim at the beginning of Nov. I will only be home two-three nights a week and he will have to cope with only two rubs per week. Yes, I am thankful for this new opportunity to minister and serve. I will miss coming home at night and sleeping in my own bed. I will miss LH and his support.
We lived apart the first year of our marriage, 400 miles apart, and didn't move in together until two weeks before our first anniversary. I really had hoped we wouldn't have to be separated again, but we must do what we have to do to meet our mortgage and pay the bills. (Sigh)
Sometimes, it feels like I've been "paying my dues" all my life with intermittent periods of relief. Perhaps, the "paying the dues" is a falsehood, and really doesn't apply to ministry where our values differ from the world's.
In the meanwhile, I pray that LH will be called to a position before too long, especially if we have to put our house on the market, knowing how long it takes to sell these days. I don't know how I'll pack up the house while living away from home, but, it will all be revealed in God's good time and I continue to trust the slow work of God.
For now, we will trust that there is a greyhound awaiting us who will fit in well, whose life we will fill with love and care and who longs to offer us his love.

NURTURING OUR SPIRITS:

Yesterday was beautiful sunny day and LH suggested that we go to the city on the North Coast and go to the Art Museum which recently opened a new addition. It was wonderful to feast our eyes and spirits on the beauty before us. How good it was to see the familiar and to see others that I don't ever remember seeing before. A great afternoon. We stopped at TJ's on the way home to pick up some lamb chops and a couple other items we enjoy and can't find around here for that price.
It's amazing what viewing art can do for my soul and spirit. Although some of the modern comtemporary stuff is not to my liking really - alot of it is angst ridden, dark, bleak, despairing, etc. I know that that may reflect life, but I want to see the hope, the beauty that is still and ever present around us. Perhaps, I have been in the angst ridden and dark places in my life enough, that I need to keep the hope of faith alive and focus on what faith in God brings and offers to me, to the world and to all who despair. God is about life, new, abundant, eternal, so much so, that God brings life out of death and desparately wants us to live, every day and always and forever. So, I seek out and savor the beauty of art and allow myself to be challenged by the modern contemporary although I can't say that I really Enjoy it!!!

THIS MONTH

This month I volunteered and helped a Lutheran clergywoman during a time of transition in a parish of three city Lutheran churches. From gluing glass pebbles onto to card stock, to home-bound and nursing home visitation with and without communion, proof-reading (and still missing errors!!!), leading devotions and being present at the weekly food and clothing distribution center and other odds and ends, it was a good to be of some help and to reconnect with some folks who I haven't seen in five years. I served the one church as an second interim for 6 months.
It was also helpful not be home 24/7 with LH, who is slowly starting to chafe at being without a call. The last church wasn't even interested in interviewing him - special redevelopment situation. So, the waiting continues, the wondering what God is longing to bring us and how to prepare for what yet awaits us.
I have accepted a 3/4 time interim position that will begin in 2 months and will necessitate my renting an efficiency apartment hopefully, for not too much. I am not looking forward to living away from home and only being home 2 nights a week. I will miss the greys terribly while I sit in my apartment pining away for them and for my own bed. It will intail bringing laundry home and cleaning house and an apartment.
However, some income is better than no income and the mortgage and utilities still need to be paid, as well as taxes, auto insurance and we do need health insurance.
It is hard to hold onto hope, to remain trusting and faithful as this unintentional sabbatical continues for us both. I will use the time now to prepare my spirit and self for the periods of being away from home- adjustint my attitude and planning what all I will need to take with - clothing, toiletries and books, etc.
Hard to imagine that life could change so drastically at age 50 and one feels like a graduate student all over again broke and unknowing.
Time to do some mending and shortening of pants and a skirt. Things I've put off and need to be done.
I'm sure there must be a ripe tomato or two to pick off the vine. I anticipate the days ahead will be quiet ones as I take care of the house, read, and tend to things long neglected. I pray that something will open for LH before too long and will need to be gentle with him as well as myself.

ON TUESDAY

I witnessed a miracle today.
Gathered in a room with the least and the lost, the poor and the hungry patiently seated on metal folding chairs clutching their numbers waiting for the food distribution we began devotions amid the boxes of produce, cellophane bags of bakery and brown paper shopping bags filled with food that surrounded us.
Later that afternoon, the volunteer came into the church with a crisp new $100.00 bill - a donation received not from another volunteer, a church member or from a local business, but rather from one of those who came and received help.
An older black woman whose number was called, rose up, received her groceries and pressed the $100.00 bill into the volunteer's hand. "You are the church that's cared. I haven't always done right by Jesus. But I've paid my bills and I want you all to have this."
A miracle that will buy more food to help the ones most hurting. A miracle of generosity in the midst of great want and need. A miracle of biblical proportions that astounded us all. A miracle of the presence of Christ and his transforming love, grace, compassion and care.
From the least of us - an example of faith, forgiveness and generosity.
Her gift meant more than winning the lottery and hallowed all the Tuesdays of hard work and time. We thought we gave, but this one woman gave so much more and revealed to us all the miracle of serving and loving Christ our Lord.
Let us not dismiss what we do in love so lightly or look upon it as mere duty or service - but rather as an act of love and gratitude so great it becomes and is a miracle.

After the Rain

In the evening
after the rainstorm
that ponded the basin
after the sunset
when the sky darkened
and the stars came out
to play
a chorus of frogs
sang a cantata
of pure joy and delight
in the meadow
behind our house.
After a refreshing rain,
do you sing of your
joy and delight
and bring pleasure
to your Creator?