Monday, March 29, 2010


'Tis the start of Holy Week and all the many services.
Yesterday, our Palm Sunday worship with the scripture, sermon, creed and songs went very well. Our choir and our Praise Dancers did a very moving piece together which was so touching.
It wasn't until the last hymn, "I Danced in the Morning", where I really broke down. God's Spirit moved within the song and my spirit and as the song unfolded I could barely sing for the lump in my throat. And it came to me, that as our Lord danced and continued the dance for us all - I am to dance in this dark night. It is what I am doing already, but perhaps, even moreso. To dance in the dark, to dance inspite of the dark, to dance despite of the dark. It is not for me at this point to see where I am going, but just to dance in the dark, because we were born to dance. Perhaps, there are others in the dark that I will bump into who need to know that they too, can dance in the dark. God wants me to keep dancing, even in the dark, shrouded by the dark, enveloped by the dark. I pray that my dance will lead me closer to God who will lead me to dancing out of this dark night into the brilliance of a new day.
I am to dance in this dark night because I know the steps, because I have danced this dance before, because I know the Easter that follows on the heels of Good Friday, and that the dance is eternally ongoing.
There are days when I don't much feel like dancing at all. When the weight of our tenuous position - (LH is still searching for a permanent, full time position, only there isn't much available at the moment)drags me down into the depths of despair.
And now God has given me a word - Dance! Keep dancing, inspire others to dance and keep dancing, rejoin the dance that is me.
It's kinda funny in a way. I have two left feet and move rather ugly. I am not a dancer. I can chair dance, but my legs and arms and hips never move in sync. (except in the water in synchronized swim - water ballet that I could do).
Hear God's sense of humor, to the one who can't dance, doesn't dance well, God says, Dance! To the one who is in the thick of a dark night, where all is obscured, God says, Dance! To the one who succombs to hopelessness, despair and discouragement - God says, Dance!
So, dance I will! It may not be graceful, it may be more like stumbling around in the dark, it may not always be joyous, but dance away, I shall. For now, dance is the word God has given me, for now. So, I will dance into this Holy Week with my Lord of the Dance.

Monday, March 22, 2010

What a joy and delight to see all the crocuses blooming in my flower bed! All is still so brown with the grass just now beginning to green and to have such a splash of purple with orange centers is a sight to behold!
I am amazed that our house is one of just two on our street with crocuses blooming and filling an otherwise drab environ with brilliant color. Do not the spirits of others long and yearn for color after a long, hard, snowy winter? It's too bad they miss out on the joy and delight of seeing such beauty and wonder.
I don't know about my Siberian Iris. I separated them last fall and I don't see any new shoots. I hope I didn't kill them, but they didn't bloom as well last year and I had never separated them.
My sedum has wintered nicely with new green knobs already showing. The daffodils leaves are up with a couple buds, and the tulip leaves are showing more. The poppy leaves are growing at an amazing rate. And the butterfly plant, well, time will tell if it survived winter. It didn't last year and I had to replant a new one.
The chives are growing as is the garlic and the chamomile, along with the grass that ought not to be in the garden. I'll need to planting herbs before too long, except for the basil, which cannot take the cold.
How good it is to see new life coming forth, springing forth from the ground. How I long for that new life to be springing up within me. Alas, that time has not yet come for that. But, I maintain hope, that it will come, one day. Even though, I cannot see any evidence of it. God is in the resurrection business. I have experienced it before, seen it in the lives of others and so I cling to the promise of new life yet to come when this dark night is past.
It's official, the sandals are too casual for the dress. Had to order a pair of dressier sandals from a catalogue. Hope they fit ok. Still have to find a purse.
Did manage to find some sparkly bling to wear with the outfit. So, except for the purse, I am pretty much ready.

Monday, March 15, 2010


Finally found a dress for my nephew's wedding across the pond in June. I hope that it's not 80 degrees that day or I'll be way too warm and melting. It's sage green - a favorite color of mine. The dress is actually a skirt with a sparkly tank and sparkly 3/4 sleeve cardigan. The skirt will have to be shortened to tea length since it is a late afternoon garden wedding.
Actually, I found the hat first. An upturned brim with some feathery things sticking out of gathered scrunch. It was sage green! Loved the hat. Then went down to the dress dept. I tried on two sage green dresses. One was way too tight in the hip and too short for my tastes and had a blingy medallion on the side. (not me). This other has sparkly glitter and no beading of any kind.
I found a pair of pewter twisted vamp wedge sandals that I can wear and even walk in. Granted they are not a heely, dainty sandal. But I have to be able to walk with my bunions. I have a pair of ivory colored leather shoes that can work as well.
Course, I look like a marm in it all. Oh well, amply pudgy, over 50, I guess its official. I'm a marm!!!I'm sure Peacebang would have a field day with my choice.
However, the color is flattering, it is comfortable and not in any way unseemly (too low cut, slit up to thigh, or sleeveless - except for the tank which, of course, is covered with the buttonless cardigan). It'll even travel well without wrinkling too badly.
My sister is still looking for just the right dress. I'll have to send her picture and see if she thinks its too marmy.
Now, I just have to find a small purse so I'm not lugging my Bean canvas backsaver bag.
I feel relieved to have found something that works, fits, is appropriate and comfortable. Whoohoo!!! I'm ready to party!

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

Part of this dark night is the exile. Exiled from feeling God's presence, exiled from home, exiled into a soul-less existence. This is not living. It is merely existing. There are moments of grace, slices of time when my soul isn't aching for God. I function. I can laugh at a joke. I can share a joke. But the deep joy out of which I lived is but a shallow puddle. In this exile, I strain to hear anything from God. It is so quiet, too quiet. And lonely, ever so lonely.
I don't function fully or extremely well in dark nights or exile. Even the thawing around me has not relieved the deadness within me. This is a dying unto myself and I long for resurrection, for the stirrings of life, new life. This Easter will be as hollow to me as the chocolate Easter bunnies in the basket. At least, that is where I am right now. I don't think that this dark night will be over by Easter. There has been no movement in that direction. That's not to say that the longing for life, new life, having my dry bones dance and live, isn't there. On the contrary, the desire, the longing, the yearning for God to breathe life where there is none, to lead me out of the tomb of this dark night, unwrapped and alive, is with me daily. This dark night will take as long as it needs, as long as it has to. I have to settle into it and allow the Mystery of its bringing back to life to take place.
For now...I am in exile....

Monday, March 08, 2010

As I work on the liturgy for this coming Sunday, I gaze out the window that overlooks the parking lot and the hill and ranch houses and between 2 ranch houses I can see 4 deer out munching in the houses' bakcyards not far from the wooded upper hillside. There are 5 deer now that I can see. There has been enough of a thaw to expose grass and they seem content to busily munch away at whatever they can after a long two months of bitter cold and snow with not much to nibble on. I am glad they survived hunting season. I haven't seen them in two months and it is such a grace to see them now. I can also be thankful that they are not munching away in my backyard or garden!!! They look gaunter than last fall and didn't so much as stop munching when a flatbed truck with a car on it drove down the side road between the parking lot and the houses. They are very hungry deer.
As Lent unfolds and winter slowly loosens its grip, for what are you hungry and hungering?

Thursday, March 04, 2010


The sky is a blue canopy with nary a cloud and the sun is shining and casting shadows - something we haven't seen around these here parts for quite some time. IT does the soul and spirit good to see blue ski and sunshine.
Am working on funeral sermon. I've been spared one for nearly 8 weeks!
Being an interim, you join in where and as people are, without much knowledge of how it used to be or who folks were. That can be a good thing and yet, in the case of doing a funeral, it is a difficult thing for me. I wish I had known them before they were stricken ill, could no longer talk, before their bodies no longer functioned in the way they had, when they could still hear and still see. Every once in a while, I officiate at a funeral for someone I would have enjoyed knowing more and better. The funeral on Sunday afternoon, will be one of those. Interesting, fascinating, ever active woman, who no longer had a voice, but eyes that could still sparkle and a heart and spirit that knew God's love, and one who still remembered the taste of bread and wine. Her 3 daughters are beautiful and loving, grieving, remembering, crying and laughing. So healthy and so together and as unique as their mother. I pray that all I offer will the honor the life, the memory, the love of this mother and woman, I could only glimpse and never really knew, but wished I had known her.
Perhaps, at the Kingdom banquet we will meet and be known to one another in the heart of God.

Tuesday, March 02, 2010

Dumb and Now Even Dumber -
Ok, so I fried the disposal. LH calls last night to say that 2 long anchoring screws to the faucet fell out and were lying on the cabinet floor under the sink. We had that faucet replaced some time ago - last fall, by a plumber who took longer than he needed, to do a simple replacement. Apparently, he forgot to really screw these anchor screws in. Opps! And a bolt or washer is even missing. So, much for a job well done. (I do believe the vibrations from the disposal probably caused these not really screwed-in anchor screws to fall out completely.
Perhaps, in the frying of the disposal, the incomplete plumbling job has come to light sooner rather than later. Perhaps, I'm seeking some redemption for my ineptitude and just plain dumb thing I did!!!
In this Lent, it leads me to ponder about repentance and redemption. We, who cannot help ourselves, find redemption in the only One who can help us, forgive us and bring to life that which we cannot on our own. Not a bad lesson to be learned about disposals, faucet screws, dumb things, incompleted jobs and Lent. I'll take it!

Monday, March 01, 2010

Ok, so I'm not being politically correct, but I can do the dumbest, lamest things.
It is a reoccurring theme in my life of which I am none too proud, just honest.
Here's the latest Dumb Thing to Do on Your Day Off -
Put broccoli stalks that are way too large down your disposal. Run the disposal. Hear and smell the motor burn out. Doh!
We now have a brand new disposal in a box waiting to be installed. LH was none too happy.
Be it known, though it is no excuse, that said disposal was sounding a bit funny recently anyways.
Is there a patron saint for really dumb, lame things we do?