Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Been Thinkin'

Been thinking of our upcoming separation in another month. I will be renting an efficiency to save miles on my van and because I know the winter commute may be very tricky. I understand that we have to do what we have to do, but it still doesn't sit well with me. LH and I were separated the first year of our marriage by 400 miles and an 8 hour drive. We moved in together 2 weeks before our first anniversary. I really don't want this situation. I want to be able to see LH at the end of the day or to have dinner together. I will miss my boys - Jett and Jazz fiercely and they will miss me greatly as well.
I will be hauling laundry back and forth and books and files. I will be living in two places and it will be unsettling.
I don't know what will happen when LH finds a new position. We cannot pay two mortgages and rent. I just have to trust that God will help us find a way through and change my attitude over this imposed separation. I cannot let my longings and resentment at this situation interfere with serving the congregation in a time of transition and change for them. This awkward, unsettled time of change and transition is one the church and I will be going through together and we will trust God to lead us and bring us to a place of new beginnings and new life.
In the meanwhile, we are heading for a few days to the Land of Cheese and to celebrate my sister's birthday and LH's birthday. It's been 5 years since we celebrated my sister's birthday in person. We decided to take advantage of our time off to be with family.
I keep praying that a position will open up for LH before too long so that we can start getting the house on the market.
Jazz is quite a character and we've had to crate him when we are gone. He's the first grey we've had to crate. The others have all behaved and learned the routine quickly. Jazz has conquered the stairs and sleeps in our bedroom in his bed at the foot of our bed. Jazz has more trouble going down the stairs and moving relaxed and slowly on the tile floor.
Perhaps, on the tile floor of our lives right now, there's a message for me too. To move relaxed and slowly through this time, trusting and having faith in God. Praying for courage, wisdom, strength during this coming month.

No comments: