EIGHT WEEKS = TWO MONTHS -
There is something sick and sadistic that I must inflict such torturous pain on myself in order to heal and get well. But here we are, every hour or two, I must engage in three different exercises to bend my knee. It is the last thing I want to do, but ever so necessary. It makes me sick to my stomach just thinking about doing it, let alone when I engage in self-torture. As if the pain at physical therapy isn't enough, I get to do more of it at home to myself.
Every week, there is something new. I endured a new procedure with a metal tool rubbed on my thigh to break up scar tissue. Today, I got to try the step machine again and with slight help, brought the left step down. And with careful control of the right leg, brought the left leg up but not all the way, yet.
On Wednesday, I graduated to a neoprene knee brace with a hinge that wraps around the knee - above and below it. It weighs about 1/2 lb and is far more comfortable than the 3/4 leg brace that weighed 10 lbs. ( abit of exaggeration, I know, but that's what it felt like)
When I asked the Doc if I was where I should be, his answer was there was a fine line between bending and retearing. But, if by the end of Sept. I was not far along enough, I would be facing being put to sleep and having a manipulation - bending the knee all the way and every way to break through scar tissue. I don't want to go there.
So, PT has stepped up and here I am, facing a long weekend of extra painful exercises. What fun!!! Not.
But I will do what I have to do and pray that God will give me the strength and ability to endure.
I will be using a dog leash to do this painful exercise. The handle wraps around my left foot and while lying on my stomach, I pull the leash over my opposite shoulder bending the knee until it is stretched as far as I can and hold it for 30 seconds. I get to repeat it three times and ought to do it every two hours. Pure and utter agony!
Who knew that Jett's old leash would become my tool for torture. Perhaps, his spirit and presence will be with me, encouraging me as I use it. I pray that will be so.
One day at a time, one week at a time, one exercise at a time. And with God's help and grace and power, I will see this through and will have full use of my knee again.

Seven Weeks And Counting-
Into my 7th week since surgery and with help, my knee is bending at near 90 degrees.
Progress, slow progress. I still cannot do a full revolution on the bike. On Monday, I had a long, hard workout. I was on the leg press for 5 minutes and had to stop 10 seconds shy of the full 5, because my leg had no more to give and I couldn't hardly keep it up on the metal board. I still have trouble with the little hurdles going right foot first and then bringing the left over them. Sigh. The best part of therapy is the massage to break up scar tissue and even the bending, though somewhat painful, is ok. They have given me electro-stimulation after a workout. That has been relaxing -after the more than ice cold electrodes are placed on either side of the knee. You can just lay there and the let the current flow to the knee. I used the time to rest in God's care and healing power. I felt so much better going home Friday after that. In fact, I even talked LH into taking me to a dept. store nearby. He helped me out of the car while parked in front of the entrance. I found 2 pairs of dress slacks that I sorely needed since losing weight. ( I also found a shirt and knit top). I can't believe how good it was to be somewhere besides the doctor's office and PT gym!!!
I was thoroughly worn out Friday evening and slept good that night.
I am trying to get some things accomplished - like shortening a dress. (actually I have three that need shortening) So far, I have marked the hem line and cut line on one. Today, I will tackle cutting and serging the hem. And if I am up to it, pinning it to the hem line. Since I can't sit all that long at a time, I have to do everything in measured doses, thus it takes me longer to do things. I also don't have the stamina and energy I had before surgery. This, of course, is frustrating, but part of the healing process. I have to remind myself that my body is still healing and knitting back together - tissues, muscle, nerve endings. And that on a cellular level my body is still very, very busy and that a nap a day is good and helpful to the healing process. It' just hard not to feel guilty about taking a nap or not getting as much in a day as I would like.
I have a possible interim position with a church in another denomintation. They have two services on Sunday and the drive is about an hour. I am contemplating how I will be able to handle that by mid-Sept. without falling asleep on the ride home - totally wrung out and exhausted, with a throbbing, aching, hurting knee. I can probably put the knee up for 20 minutes or so between services, even if it is unladylike.
That, too, will last a few months beyond the end of therapy. Putting the knee up for 20 minutes when it is tired and achy. I had kinda forgotten about that, but such memories are slowly returning.
Trying to stay motivated and not get too discouraged by the slow progess. I always do a couple more repitetions than required and even used 4 lbs on the one machine rather than 3 lbs which would've been easier. So, I am working it!

First Therapy Session -
Let the training begin!!! I was pleased to discover that I was actually bending the knee at 48 degrees surpassing what my surgeon was asking for! The massage felt good for the most part. I still can't lift the leg though not for lack of trying. It will happen one of these days. I was doing about 90 knee slides a day and they increased it to 100. I am tired after 30. So now I am doing 3 sets of 35.
I can't believe they made me get up onto the leg press. The PT had to hold me left leg in place. My back was sore afterwards.
I get to do this all over again tomorrow. I was the only there wearing apparatus and look for the day when I can shed the leg brace which slips down throughout the day and has to be readjusted for exercises and just from gravity. I have learned that PTs are not great at putting on ace bandages and adjusting the leg brace. I do it better myself!
I was delighted to find out that I lost another 10 lbs since surgery. Yippee!!! The downside is that few of my clothes fit anymore. I will have to have more items taken in. I also have to replace dress pants and of course, regular twill pants. Sigh. And I am just not quite up to going to a store and trying on pants taking the leg brace on and off and walking through the store. One of these days, I will make the attempt.
In the meantime, I have discovered some old dresses that fit again. Like running into a long lost friend that you haven't seen in years and delighting in the reunion. It also is heartwrenching to not be able to wear some items (especially linen) that are now too big. Hopefully, those can be taken in. I fear for my fall/winter wardrobe and will have to retry some items in a couple of weeks. I'm thinking that with the therapy workouts three times a week, I will be shedding several more pounds. I have a couple of tribal print skirts for fall that I will have taken in and a floral one, since I wear them alot and love 'em.
Ordinarily, the thought of adding new pieces to my wardrobe does excite me, but I am less than thrilled with the patterns, polyester and short dresses and skirts that are being shown. I hope to find some decent items on sale - eventually. Too bad, I can't go with my sister who I won't be seeing this year. Our vacation to the Lake was postponed by the knee injury and I have a possible new position on the horizon. I will be lucky to get time off for our 25th anniversary cruise the beginning of December. I won't even have any clothes that fit for that either.
One day at a time, one week at time, and one accomplishment at a time. God will provide all that I need for God's grace is sufficient for each day.

Happy 1st of August to all my Swiss family!!!
Well, to my surprise, I will be starting therapy - 3 times a week. Have to get it set up. This is sooner than 7 years ago, since it's only a month since my surgery. I have to work on lifting my leg. I tried a few times this morning and will keep trying until I can lift it off the bed if even a fraction of an inch!
It struck me again today when I went to the premier orthopaedic center in this region, that having a sloped entryway is just not helpful to people who can't walk well. The slight slope makes it hard to walk up into the doors and hard to walk down when leaving and getting to your car. I know that those in wheelchairs have the same problem along with those of us on canes, walkers, or foot/leg boots. Whatever were they thinking?
Did I mention that getting to the MRI involved a walk to an elevator, down one story, exit the elevator down a hallway, left turn and down another extremely long hallway and then a right into the MRI lobby. This is a premier orthopaedic center. Most of the patients aren't able to walk well - knee, leg, hip, spine, etc. problems and they have to go so far to get to the MRI. There isn't even an outside entrance - like drive up, enter the lobby and then into the MRI room.
One really has to wonder about the architects and engineers who obviously never had an orthopaedic injury to take into account. I am not a brilliant person, but I would have designed it much differently.
This injury and surgery gives me a greater appreciation for those who cannot easily get around and the obstacles they face daily. At least my immobility is temporary.
It just makes you wonder and ask where were the surgeons and doctors and did they not have any input or were they simply not thinking when the place was built?
So, my summer vacation - since I am between calls at the moment - will be the Olympic trials of therapy and rehab. I will be working out like an injured athlete. Oh joy!!! I could think of a thousand ways I'd rather be spending my summer vacation. But here we go and maybe by the end of August I will be able to actually sit normally!!!!

It's been 6 weeks since my knee injury and just about 4 weeks since my surgery. Tomorrow, I have an early morning Doctor's appointment and I have a feeling he'll say,
"See you in two weeks" yet again, before I get the go ahead to start therapy.
Yesterday, LH and I boxed up my things at the church office and loaded up my van. I turned in my keys and am officially between positions once more. Only this time, I don't know when something new will come along.
I am grieving leaving this church - although it was a tough place to serve. They have no money in reserves and I was so part-time there was little I could do as an
interim to be really effective. Even so, I came to care deeply for the congregation and brought some stability and a non-anxious presence in the midst of their chaos and confusion. They will be moving forward into a transformational ministry process and I...well, I suppose my work, my ministry is one of self-healing so that I will be able bodied enough to serve in a new place.
Still, I try hard not to feel utterly useless, to do my exercises 3 times a day, and catch up on my reading. I want to serve and we need the income. This knee injury has been totally frustrating and aggravating, but I know I must surrender those feelings and let them go, so that I can heal well. I am feeling somewhat depressed by being side-lined but I will do something each day - laundry, ironing, cooking, reading, and weeding.
I have lost some weight and there has been some delight in fitting into a some things I haven't been able to wear in a couple of years. However, some of my great stuff has had to be taken in and I know that eventually, I will have to let them go. I have built up a decent wardrobe of some wonderful linen pieces that I will hate to part with. So much nicer than all the bohemian and weird patterned polyester dresses that are in the stores now. Some of my wardrobe may be a few years old, but they are fairly timeless. There are some dated pieces which I hung onto thinking that one day I would fit into them again. I think a couple of them are a bit too dated.
I will have to replace my dress pants for fall as all of them are too big. Hope that I have a position so that I can afford to replace them.
It's been six weeks since I have been to a store of any kind! I've only been to the
doctor's office, hospital and the church. Driving is still a challenge - getting my leg in and sitting for more than 20 minutes. Getting out of the van is much easier than getting in. I probably attempted driving a bit too soon, but I really wanted to serve my last two weekends. No one will ever know what a difficult, agonizingly painful sacrifice it was on my part. I just did what I knew I had to do and bore it. I
just about collapsed when I returned home Sat. evening and Sun. noon.
The days stretch so long before me and being in the house, even with the dogs, is growing old.
At least when I knew I had weekend worship services, I had sermons to work up and type. That helped to fill my week. Now, there is only the emptiness of time with
little to do. At least until I start therapy. Then I will be busy and tired and hurting!!!!
My laundry calls and I must tend to that and keep tending to myself, for now.

LH seems to think that I am at about 30-35 degrees. Hope he's right!!! It just doesn't seem like it's that much, but perhaps, I am hoping for more and being prone makes it
harder to judge.
I have one more weekend of preaching in this current position. I am praying that the drive won't be as much of a torture as last weekend. On Monday, LH and I will book up and load up the van with my books, office items, manger and bale of straw and my robe and stoles.
It will be difficult to celebrate communion one last time with the good folks I have come to care about deeply and this community of faith that have struggled so hard to stabilize after some poor behavior from their last pastor. He did not help matters by running through their money, not wanting to look bad, and not being honest about their financial position - to the point of taking over the budget and the church's fault for not maintaining a working financial committee and letting the pastor get away with far too much. What pastor can max out the church credit card every month on Starbucks and dinners that were not always with the staff or people he claimed, or used his expenses for which he was reimbursed and claiming for taxes? It infuriates me. He also hid unpaid church bills in his desk which the church has just now discovered and it is several thousand dollars that they simply don't have.
Yes, my coming in as interim felt like walking into the lion's den this time. And although, it seemed that in the ensuing months the church was operating just barely in the black - the stash of unpaid bills was both a surprise and a major let-down.
Now they will have a retired pastor being supply pastor.
The church leadership has really stepped up and taken responsibility which they should have done a few years ago.
But now, I must let go and move on and they must continue to discern if they are able to go on or close their doors. I have done what I could in an extremely part-time
position. They will have a special place in my heart.
I pray that God will provide me another opportunity to serve that may be not as challenging as this one - where I felt that there was little I could offer or do. I know that at the moment, I am not mobile enough to serve, but we sure could use the income.
I will trust that God will provide in God's time when God knows I am well and able.
In the meanwhile, I keep exercising and doing what I can.
Yesterday, I picked three ripe tomatoes off the vine and even managed to pull a few weeds!!!
It is good to be able to do a few things. And I will be content with what I can do today that I could not do last week.

POST-OP UPDATE:
Working hard on my exercise and am perhaps at about 20 degrees after a few knee slides. Have a week and a half to be at 40 degrees.
Trying to make peace with my leg brace since it will be my uninvited companion for
the next several weeks. I have to keep adjusting it throughout the day as gravity
keeps pulling it down. It seems to weigh 10 pounds and makes for awkward movement.
However, it gives my knee and leg support which s good.
It has been so dry in these parts that our river clump birch has lost 1/3 of its leaves and our little gingko looks like a Charlie Brown gingko tree - small leaves, not much foliage. Last summer it was so very full which gorgeous fan-shaped leaves.
We did get an inch of rain yesterday and were supposed to get more rain today, but that has not yet happened. We are about 6 inches of rain behind where we should be.
At least the temps have cooled down into the 80's, which is always welcome.
Being home bound with a computer, TV and credit card can be dangerous thing. I ordered some workout clothes for therapy and a pair of slip-on Ryka canvas shoes for working out as well. The leather ones I have would be way too hot in the summer. My canvas Keds are so old and stained that I use them only for when I clean house. The sweater I ordered from JJill was on sale and I just couldn't resist. A gift to myself for all the pain I've endured. A treat to look forward to wearing when I am more mobile and the temps are cooler. Can't wait for all to come to my door in the mail.
I'm thinking I should hide my credit card!!!!
The progress is so abysmally slow. I have to fight discouragement and keep looking ahead to what I'll be able to do eventually. Hard to be patient with myself and the healking process. I know what it will take and how long it takes. But still, I want to be much further along than I am. One day, one week at a time. And I will keep
exercising even when it seems that I'm not making any headway.

FRIDAY FIVE - THE NEXT FIVE EDITION

The summer is whizzing by and soon it will be August! That means that there are five months left in this year 2012. What do you look forward to in the next five months; or what is scheduled? What is meaningful for you in each of these months? Or memories you have of these months? You decide what to write about for each month!

1. August
Starting physical therapy, three times a week, relearning to ride a bike, having
my knee bent - ouch, and working hard on getting the knee healed and moving.
2. September
This month will be more of the same. Hoping that I can actually sit at the
dinner table more comfortably by then and making good progress.
3. October
Hoping I will have finished my therapy and rehab. Praying I would have a new
position. Would be nice to travel to the Lake House and see my sister and BIL
this year.
4. November
Hosting Thanksgiving Day turkey dinner and having my SILs over for the day.
5. December
Going on a Carribean Cruise to celebrate our 25th wedding anniversary. So
my knee has to be in good order by then!

POST-OP - DAY 11:
The surgeon seemed pleased with the healing of the incision. I asked about removing staples and he used none. My knee has been superglued!!!
Today, I had my first shower in 11 days. Nothing compares to the deliciousness of that wonderfully warm shower. Finally, I feel cleaner than ever.
Have begun a new exercise - knee slides. I bend the knee and let gravity pull it back down. I'm supposed to be up to 40 degrees by August 1st. I think I'm at 10!! Nevertheless, I press on, everyday doing 3 to 5 sets of 15, as much as I can stand.
The knee is so tight when I bend it, it feels like it is bound. I have also been doing some slight tip toe to heel rocking while holding onto the porch railing, and pressing my knee down while lying down, doing about 20. I'm also to begin tightening the quad muscle, which I can do a little even as it quivers.
It's a gentle start to rehabing the muscle and knee.
Sitting is the most uncomfortable position of all. I can stand and lie down, but the sitting is the worst.
I did manage to dig out my garlic which was smaller this year and already ripe. I also pulled some weeds while I was at it. LH was with me the whole time in case the
uneven ground around the herb garden would be a problem. I was glad for his presence and help.
I am using the walker less and the cane more which makes getting around a bit easier.
Of course, I am hauling 10 pounds extra on my left leg. (The hinged brace is not 10 lbs, but it sure feels like it on your leg!)
So, I am slowly coming along. Slowly. I have to relearn slow and patient. I am much better now than I was last week. I have to look back a week to keep me from being discouraged at how long this will take and when I cannot yet master the exercises I've been given. Practice, practice, practice. Patience. Patience. Patience.
Aye, it's gonna be a long, long summer.

POST-OP
It's been a week since my most painful surgery. I am ashamed to admit that I was writhing and yelling in pain in the recovery room. Until they pumped me up with pain medication. It was agonizing. Once in the hospital room, it didn't help that the first three times they helped me out of bed to use the rest room, the nurses and aids took me out on the wrong side of the bed. More agony. The night nurses shifted things around and got me out on the proper side and that helped, alot. There were two of us in the room - an elderly woman who had hip replacement. She did not have near the pain I had. I felt bad that she had to listen me. The nursing staff was pretty responsive, caring and helpful. They kept up with my pain medication. Although, I must say, that sharing a room on the orthopaedic floor with wheelchairs, walkers, canes, and chairs for visitors made for very crowded conditions and not much room to move around and get
out of bed.
I am doing better, slowly. I am down to three pain pills a day. Learning how to position myself to sit and stand up, using a walker, and having the knee brace fall down to my ankle since the swelling has gone down. I make my breakfast, lunch and part of dinner, feed the dogs, but the water is too hard with the walker, and do the dishes.
Everything takes such effort and much longer to do. It is hard to adjust to this different pace and I have to allow time for a trip to the bathroom. I will be so happy to take a real shower. I am living on the pulled-out sleeper sofa, easier to get in and out of as I lift leg onto it and off of it. It is not uncomfortable. LH has to bring down fresh undies and clothes and items needed from upstairs. I hope that after my doctor's appt on Friday, I will get the go ahead to shower. Then I can start doing the stairs.
I haven't started reading my novel yet, although I've journaled and done word searches and read the newspaper.
I pray that I will be able to preach the last two Sundays in July and then I am back to searching for a new position and starting rehab.
I am thankful the surgery went well. The doc had to drill three holes in my kneecap and sew down the quad muscle. I pray that none of you will ever have to endure such an injury or surgery. The pain is unequaled to anything else.
LH has been a real help and comfort. Sometimes at the end of the day when I am so weary, he will lift my leg onto the bed, rather than my looping an old sheet around my foot and hoisting up myself. He's even rubbed some lotion on the sole of my foot to help the dry skin. What a dear. I would do the same for him.
So, I am coming along, trying not to get cabin fever and praying I will be able to drive a week from Sat. Each day gets a bit better, but it will take 3 months of healing and rehab, lots of work, sweat and yes, more pain. I have done this before. I will get through it again.
And, I will have full use of my knee again! Thanks be to God!

FOR AWHILE -
this may be my last post for awhile. My surgery is scheduled for late tomorrow
morning. Then my left leg will be encased in a "two ton" hinged but locked leg brace for the next 3 months. It will be like lifting the Titanic with every step and the first two weeks will be riddled with a pain none can imagine and the fog of pain medication.
I dread this. But I also want it to be over with. I have to relearn patience. Everything takes so much longer to do and I have to move slower and more carefully and deliberately. I will have to relearn how to ride a bike. But that will come much later.
So, while my voice may be quiet for a time (until I get totally bored and rejoin the land of the living), I will be thinking of all of you and the busy and meaningful work of you ministry.
I am feeling pretty useless at the moment, especially, since a parishioner lost her husband in a tragic auto accident and I was unable to go and be with her. We have spoken on the phone, prayed, and I know the church family will be doing all they can for her and to provide a pastor for the memorial service.
What humbled me most, was in the thick of her grief, she thanked me for coming to the church, for being their pastor in this time of transition, and for my calls and prayers. I continue to pray for her and feel so very bad that I can't be with her and the family. I am amazed that in the midst of the rawness of her grief and shock, she would even make a point of thanking me. It astounds me and brings me to my knees. (at least figuratively since I cannot kneel anymore physically, but certainly my spirit does.)
I pray that the surgery goes well, without complications or infection and I will be blogging again during my healing process.
Peace be with you all.

RGBP'S FRIDAY FIVE - WHAT I REALLY, REALLY LIKE...ABOUT SUMMER(WINTER0:

What are five things that you REALLY REALLY REALLY like about the current season where you live?

1. All the flowers that are blooming and the critters that come to them - hummingbirds,
finches, honeybees, bumblebees, all kinds of butterflies and hummingbird moths.

2. Fresh herbs and tomatoes growing in the garden.

3. Longer evenings to enjoy.

4. Walks with the greyhounds in the cool of the evening - although that won't
happen again for a very long time.

5. Usually getting away to the beach in WI - which also won't happen this summer.

and, for a bonus:

Something you are looking forward to about another season?

Having my knee function normally again - after this surgery and long, slow, painful process of healing and rehab. That would bring me to fall and cooler temps!

CONFIRMED!
My suspicions were right all along. I have a quad tear on the left knee and will have to undergo surgery next Tues and three months of healing and gruelling rehab. My position will end the end of July and I am hoping to preach & lead worship the last two weeks of July with a heavy, hinged leg brace.
I am not looking forward to this at all. I've been through it 7 years ago on the right knee. I know what it all entails and the pain.
After the Wed. evening potluck with program and communion yesterday, I had to get my leg in the van and one parishioner watched. After I got in, not as smoothly as I had hoped and with some pain, I simply smiled and said, "I'm in. A piece of cake!" She laughed and away I went for a painful ride home. It has been sore ever since. I may have bent the quad more than I should have. Upon getting home, I promptly took a pain pill and feel asleep for an hour or so.
Alas, LH will have a vacation week and will spend it tending his wife, cleaning house, and watering the garden, rather than being at the Lake and enjoying a change of scenery. I feel ever so bad for him. I was ready to see my sister as well and delight in being by the Lake.
It's going to be a long, hot, painful, depressing summer. I can only pray that in this time of healing, God will provide a new opportunity for me to serve. We need some income.
After going through this 7 years ago, I wouldn't have wished this on my worst enemy, and here, I will go through it all again. But, I will do all I can, because I know, that this is a temporary affliction and all the hard work of rehab will bring my movement back and tone and strengthen all my muscles. So, I should be much more toner and buff by the end of the summer!!!! There are some benefits, meager though they are.
I will trust in the healing power of my Lord, who will raise me to new life through this.

KNEE UPDATE -
My MRI is scheduled for Monday and I now have my knee imobilizer. I forgot what
a pain it is - always slipping down.
I'm really only using it to get my leg on the couch, to get into and out of the van so that I can preach this evening and tomorrow morning.
I meet with the Orthopaedic Doc on Wed morning. I already am anticipating the worst - surgery to repair the quad muscle tear. There are just too many similiarities to the right knee 7 years ago. Only this time, I am more aware of what's going on, how to do things that I'd forgotten, and relying on the walker. Makes me feel like a really elderly person!!! But I am thankful that we kept it. I also don't think the quad is torn completely off the knee like last time, but I have been very careful with it.
So, I guess I just have to wait til Wednesday to hear the bad news of what I already fear. Just have to take it a day at a time, do what I can, and go easy with that knee.
It is an awful surgery, so painful. The most painful surgery I've ever had. I just don't want to go through that again. I pray that God will give me the strength to face what I must and for patience with myself and LH with me.
I doubt that we will be able to take our week vacation to the Beach. Perhaps, later. I know that the whole process will take 3 months. So, that will put vacation to Oct.
Will just have to wait and see. Healing prayers are most welcome. Thank you.

A NIGHTMARE COME TRUE -
As if battling with a part-time call is not enough, I am facing another knee injury.
It all started out innocent enough. A walk with the dogs after dinner (and the rainstorms that dumped an inch of rain) for my health and theirs. We made it around
the cul-de-sac and were just across the street from our house when Renoir decides he
wants to go home, whips around and starts to run toward the house, catching me off balance and down on my left knee and hip - thankfully in the grass. I could not get up but held fast with each hand on the leads.
A woman out walking with her son, came over and when I realized I couldn't just get up, volunteered to take the dogs home. She rang the bell and LH got the dogs inside.
Our next door neighbor is a physical therapist and came over to see if I could get up and had her burly husband and the neighbor one door down - who are expecting their second child in Aug. - help me up and walk me over. They were such tall fellows that
by the time we reached the driveway halfway, I had to take my arms off from around their necks because my arms were aching too much. LH went in the basement and dragged out the walker from 7 years ago. I could walk with the walker and made it into the house and onto the couch with my neighbor (God bless her soul) lifting my left leg onto the couch. Several icings later, the left knee was really swollen. After a fitful night on the couch, getting up at six, falling asleep sitting up for another hour or so, I made coffee and made a doctor's appointment.
If I hadn't pushed to be seen, I'd have had to wait another day. They got me in before lunch and it was an hour and a half later, after an x-ray, with Dr. orders for MRI and knee immobilizer that I left. LH was simply wonderful, lifting my leg gently,
keeping it straight to get in and out of the backseat of the car. He didn't make it into the office today. Tomorrow, he will get me outfitted for the immobilizer. The MRI won't be til Monday and then on to the Orthopaedic Dr. I thought I'd never see again.
I'm thinking there is some nasty negative energy being poured out in my direction.
I've already done this - 7 years ago, right knee. I don't want to have this type of surgery again. We can scarce afford it and how would it look to interview somewhere with a leg brace?
It is a struggle to stay positive, to remember that God loves me and cares for me. I did not need this. Not now. Not ever. So God and I will wrestle through this together again. And why such a crappy redux, as if once were not enough. I cannot jeopardize the part-time call I have. We need the income. Surgery, if needed, will through a huge monkey wrench into preaching and serving. NOt to mention the physical therapy afterwards. Another 3 months.
How does one keep hope, stay calm in the middle of the boat in the midst of a life-threatening storm? Only by keeping focus on the One who can calm the storm and who is there in the boat with me. To my Lord, I'll cling. Keep me in your healing prayers.

It's so dry...we're giving out rainchecks for baptisms!!!!!!!!! We're in an official drought here.
The lawns in the neighborhood look like the African veld, dry, brown, and yellow.
A local farmer just mowed the meadow which had grown quite high since March and was
beginning to look like tinder. There are at least 25 rolls of shredded wheat which as I write are being loaded onto flatbed trucks.
I've had to water the flower beds, day lilies which haven't bloomed yet, the herb
garden and my milkweed plants growing just over our fence in the meadow, as well as our poor little gingko tree which is just thirsting and has only small leaves on it. It's just too, too dry. Normally, this happens in July/Aug. and not already the whole month of June. All the storms dry up before they reach us. We haven't had a decent thunderstorm with an inch or two of rain all spring.
Feeling a wee parched as this interim continues. I did receive a call about an interim position, but too far away on the state line that I would have to rent a place and only get home - who knows, every other week or once a month. I just can't do that again. Spending all that money on extra rent and utilities and being far from home. It is too hard on my spirit.
I'm praying that another position will open up for me, with more hours, better compensation and pension and close to home. Do I hope for too much?
Although, I'e been encouraging the congregation about trusting God, God's plans for their future, I have been in need of that myself. I keep trusting the Great Silence and pray for God's mercy on us and for us.
I think I feel ready for some vacation. I'm only taking a week, since the church can't afford a supply. I have two weeks earned and another week tallying up. With the Wednesday evening potluck, program, and communion, I am putting in long hours on my day at the church. But it's working out ok.
It's also getting very hot in these here parts. So hot, that walking will not be option for most of the week. That puts a kink in getting my exercise and exercising the greys. I did walk through most of W-Mart this morning and that counts as some. I also did some wall push-ups this morning.
I'm thinking being middle-aged and sometimes forgetting something isn't all that bad. It just means an extra trip up and down the stairs for something I've forgotten and some extra exercise!!!! Who knew?!!?
Prayng that you are more quenched than we are and that God is showering your lives with abundant grace.

RGBP'S FRIDAY FIVE: SUMMER FUN EDITION

Please tell us five things you are doing this Summer.

1. Driving to the Lake (Michigan, that is) via Chicago and Wisconsin to spend time
with my sister and BIL, enjoying the beach.

2. Weeding & watering - the garden and flower beds.

3. Walking the dogs in the cool of the evening.

4. Harvesting fresh herbs, garlic, tomatoes and maybe a red pepper or two.

5. Hosting July 4th with the SIL's.


Bonus? One thing you're not doing, but WANT to be doing

Seeing my niece and my nephew and his wife. Timing just isn't going to work out
to get together at the Lake house. A real shame.

THEY'RE BACK!!!

Finally, when I had all but given up hope, the honey bees are back.
I wondered where they were and if they would be back as the pin cushions are in
full bloom with nary a honey bee in sight.
This afternoon they came by in force all over the teeny weeny inkberry flowers
and I am joyed to see them.
I am glad that my little beds of perenial flowers find favor with the honey bees;
that they find food for sustenance and to make honey and that they pollinate my
flowers.
It's a small thing really. But I am truly grateful and joyed that they are back.

RGBP'S FRIDAY FIVE: INSPIRATIONS

Very quickly; this week

1. What has encouraged you?
I almost hate to say it, but a church I once served that really crushed me
has let it's next pastor go. I just discovered that this week.
He lasted two years. I lasted five. Although, I feel for him and pray that
he finds a new position (as I pray for myself),
I am encouraged that what is happening at the church was not all my fault
or even lack of trying. That has encouraged me immensely and I feel rather
vindicated.

2. What has inspired you?
When I see folks wanting to move forward into their future, uncertain though
it may be, having the courage, desiring to do something, and being open to
what God longs to bring them and calls them to.

3. What has challenged you?
Perhaps, the above as well. Finding a position more than extremely part-
time and dealing with a health issue.

4. What has made you smile?
LH. He has a good sense of humor. When mentioning a rather good-looking
larger Amish buggy that drove past the church he serves, he said it was
like "pimp my buggy" compared to other buggys!!! (Take off of "pimp my
ride" and tweaked cars!!!) We were on the floor laughing!!

5. What has brought a lump to your throat or a tear to you eye in a good way?
When I look with love and gratitude on my life which which I have been
blessed. When I behold the beauty of God's creation. When I am safe in
bed with LH. When I hold my family in my heart, prayers and thoughts.
When I rub and hug my greys. When I ponder the awesome love of the mystery
of God, the grace of my Lord and Savior, and the wonderful power and
work of the Holy Spirit.

RGBP'S FRIDAY FIVE - RANDOM EXTREME EDITION

Happy Friday to all of you. Today's Friday Five has no theme, other than randomness.
That's o.k., right?
So, just to get to know each other a little bit (even more) here is the meme:

1. What is the first thing that comes to your mind (right now) that you want to share about yourself.
I'll be out in the garden taking advantage of the beautiful day here. I think the dogs will
want a walk as well.

2. What is your favorite piece of jewelry or accessory? Why?
My Sheila Fleet sterling silver wave bracelet that LH got me for Christmas. I wear it. Alot.

3. If you could have a starring role in a T.V. show/movie/series, which one would it be, and what would your character be like?
I'm not really sure. I'm more of a behind-the-scenes person. But I could be an older eccentric neighbor on the Big Bang
Theory.

4. What is one thing you will eat this weekend?
Spinach salad that will complement the grilled lamb chops this evening.

5. How do you waste time? (If you do, that is...)
Watching reruns of the Big Bang Theory and playing a version of Solitaire on the computer.