Tuesday, July 31, 2012

It's been 6 weeks since my knee injury and just about 4 weeks since my surgery. Tomorrow, I have an early morning Doctor's appointment and I have a feeling he'll say,
"See you in two weeks" yet again, before I get the go ahead to start therapy.
Yesterday, LH and I boxed up my things at the church office and loaded up my van. I turned in my keys and am officially between positions once more. Only this time, I don't know when something new will come along.
I am grieving leaving this church - although it was a tough place to serve. They have no money in reserves and I was so part-time there was little I could do as an
interim to be really effective. Even so, I came to care deeply for the congregation and brought some stability and a non-anxious presence in the midst of their chaos and confusion. They will be moving forward into a transformational ministry process and I...well, I suppose my work, my ministry is one of self-healing so that I will be able bodied enough to serve in a new place.
Still, I try hard not to feel utterly useless, to do my exercises 3 times a day, and catch up on my reading. I want to serve and we need the income. This knee injury has been totally frustrating and aggravating, but I know I must surrender those feelings and let them go, so that I can heal well. I am feeling somewhat depressed by being side-lined but I will do something each day - laundry, ironing, cooking, reading, and weeding.
I have lost some weight and there has been some delight in fitting into a some things I haven't been able to wear in a couple of years. However, some of my great stuff has had to be taken in and I know that eventually, I will have to let them go. I have built up a decent wardrobe of some wonderful linen pieces that I will hate to part with. So much nicer than all the bohemian and weird patterned polyester dresses that are in the stores now. Some of my wardrobe may be a few years old, but they are fairly timeless. There are some dated pieces which I hung onto thinking that one day I would fit into them again. I think a couple of them are a bit too dated.
I will have to replace my dress pants for fall as all of them are too big. Hope that I have a position so that I can afford to replace them.
It's been six weeks since I have been to a store of any kind! I've only been to the
doctor's office, hospital and the church. Driving is still a challenge - getting my leg in and sitting for more than 20 minutes. Getting out of the van is much easier than getting in. I probably attempted driving a bit too soon, but I really wanted to serve my last two weekends. No one will ever know what a difficult, agonizingly painful sacrifice it was on my part. I just did what I knew I had to do and bore it. I
just about collapsed when I returned home Sat. evening and Sun. noon.
The days stretch so long before me and being in the house, even with the dogs, is growing old.
At least when I knew I had weekend worship services, I had sermons to work up and type. That helped to fill my week. Now, there is only the emptiness of time with
little to do. At least until I start therapy. Then I will be busy and tired and hurting!!!!
My laundry calls and I must tend to that and keep tending to myself, for now.

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