Feeling Far From Where I Need to Be -
more physically than existentially. My FIL has been in and out of the hospital and nursing home these past three-four weeks. He was moved back to the hospital on Sunday and LH got the call from SIL that FIL's breathing was getting shallower. LH took off at 2 pm for the 1 1/2 hour drive to his home town and to see his Dad probably for the last time. It has come far more quickly than any of us in the family would ever have anticipated. Three weeks ago, he was driving and living in his apartment, but the disease has caught up with him, a man who never drank much alcohol his whole life, gets cirrhosis. Go figure. It was last Thanksgiving when we noticed that he was walking slowly and not as steady, when he was not as sharp as normal. He went to the doctor shortly afterwards and they discovered his ammonia levels were high. He didn't get diagnosed til May. He's been doing real well with no indication that the end would be this unexpectedly quick.
I want to be with LH and his family. I so feel for them and fear for them. They will be lost without their Dad, who supported the girls, and the twin boys. LH and older brother were not supported in any way. It will be a tangle and quite the unfolding.
My heart and spirit, and me just want to be with LH, to have gone with him, to be with him in his grief. And I am an hour away with obligations. In this tender time, I await to hear from LH. It will be a very sad Thanksgiving this year and sad Christmas. A family in grief and LH and I separated by the need for an income. My prayers and spirit are there with LH and his sisters and his Dad. I never got say to say good-bye to him or see him one last time.
In the meanwhile, I finished my sermon and prayer, newsletter article for December, Session agenda, and mileage for Oct. Too bad Session is tomorrow night. I won't be able to leave to be with LH.
This being away from home is so difficult at times. But I know that God is with them all. And may FIL's passing be peaceful.