It's Back...
Jett has developed another sore in the same area, left elbow where the other sore developed last year. It started out very small, like a scratch and has gotten bigger. The Vet thinks she can carve it out again and stitch it back up.
It's been 7 months since Jett's diagnosis of hemangiosarcoma. He's done really well. I hope this next surgery will give him another 5 months or so. The Vet didn't feel anything on the spleen, usually that's where the blood tumor develops.
So another round with surgery and recuperation. And my beautiful, elegant grey is back to wearing those blue inflatable donuts around his neck.
I'm praying he'll have a few more good months with us.

What I Got -
what I actually got was Sinusitis
what I actually got was called to the hospital 45 minutes after getting home and feeling really cruddy and out of it.
what I actually got was a trip to the hospital for a parishioner who coded and was brought back
what I actually got was a new doctor's appointment the next day to replace
the one I had to cancel
what I actually got was to have prayer with the family, to hear the heart
cath went well and that I was contagious and not allowed into see the patient
what I did was call the past pastor (retired) to see the patient
what I did was wait for said pastor while family went up to the patient's
floor
what I got was home for a quick little dinner and into my comfy clothes
what I got was another call from the hospital that the patient recoded and
wouldn't recover
what I did was change, race down the hospital, and was with the patient
and family until after 9 pm when the patient was welcomed to her eternal home with God
what I got was a quick exam by my doc, and a prescription
what I got was wait for said prescriptions at the pharmacy
what I got was an afternoon of phone calls to secure an organist, make
arrangements with the family on Sat., and a call to the dinner coordinator
what I got was a short nap out of exhaustation and being sick
what I got was a full Sat. of family meeting, putting the service together, and the prayer service, squaring things with the organist
what I got was a subdued congregation on Sunday morning knowing they had
lost a beloved member
what I got was to leave by noon and arrive home for a quick nap before writing the sermon that was ever so hard to write
what I got was a prayer service for the family at the funeral home in the
morning, and a huge memorial service that afternoon at the church, overflowing sanctuary, dinner for 80 that somehow fed over 100, thanks to all the great casseroles that held out longer than the meat tray (miracle of fishes and loaves!)
what I got that evening was falling asleep on the sofa while watching TV
The committal service was today and I still have a cough and congestion.
My whole face hurt last Thursday from the sinusitis.
I pray for a quiet couple weeks to pack up and ride off into the sunset.
Thankfully, as difficult as the service was, it all went fairly well, barring losing power twice that morning in the middle of printing bulletins.
Pray that the funerals, deaths will now be ended for me. I cannot. do. another. I am spent.

I'VE GOT IT!
Yup, an upper respiratory infection/bronchitis. Too bad I can't be seen til after 3 pm. I haven't been ill in 2 years and wham, I did too much, and didn't get enough sleep and lowered my immune system.
I will head home soon. Not worth much today. Trying hard not to fall asleep or to cough too much.
Just want to curl up in bed.

WHAT A WEEKEND!
WHEW!!
It has been a whirlwind of activity.
On Friday, I did my usual grocery shopping and banking. Forgot the dog biscuits and had to go back for them and a bag of mulch. Mulched the trees out front, planted my wee tomatoe plants, did laundry, bagged up old catalogues and put them in garbage, prepared the guest bedroom - dusted, made the beds and cleaned the microwave, stove, fridge and dishwasher. Ran to the store to buy new, bigger, softer, fluffier towels for the guests and a new pillow to replace the ancient flat one. Also, had to launder the towels before hanging them up in the guest bath.
Got up early Sat, to drive to my FIL's memorial service. Actually, LH drove. Met family, but as usual, LH and SIL's didn't introduce me to a couple cousins. I guess I was to simply do a face scan and know who they were!!! I've perhaps, met them once in my life during the almost 24 years I've been married to LH and all the people I've met during my time of ministry.
Thankfully, the service went very well, in contrast to the dismal funeral service of LH's Mom 12 years ago. Good to see colleagues of my FIL there, doctors and SAR members. The president of the local chapter of the SAR spoke, LH read an e-mail from his Dad's friend, and I wrote and read a piece about my FIL, as a gift to the family, and one church member spoke. The Lutheran clergywoman handed the service and preached a good sermon - not too long, not too short and with some knowledge of my FIL.
Afterwards, there were sibling photos and a luncheon in the church social hall. Didn't get to spend much time with SIL's, who also had 3 friends there, and felt they should spend their time with BIL and wife who they hadn't seen in 12 years.
Had to declutter the kitchen table from old mail and catalogues and clean it when I got home. Had to clean the half bath and LH mowed on Sunday after lunch, well, just the front lawn. He never mows on a Sunday!
But with it raining every day and warmer weather and a bit of sun, the grass just grows like crazy. I swept the driveway and the sidewalk to the front steps.
Made a vege dip on Sat. and brownies on Sunday. Washed and cleaned veges for said dip.
Had a wonderful visit with BIL and wife, and the rain held off so we could grill.
It turned cold and rainy for our Amish country trip, and for the City on the North Coast Art Museum visit.
All in all, it went by so swiftly and we could have used another day together. I cooked and did the dishes every night, made eggs one morning, and pancakes the next. I was busy. A regular Martha!!!
Now I feel it. The scratchy rawness at the back of the throat, nasal drip and sneeziness yesterday. And that tired, just don't feel real good, feeling. I haven't been sick in two years and now, bam. Maybe, it won't be much of anything.
The brothers did pour over family albums and that was good for them.
I look forward to a more quiet day on Friday this week!

Saddened -
I find that with the voting in for Amendment 10A, there is no joy, only sadness. Sadness for my denomination to give in to the prevailing culture, and to allow for its being ripped apart. With the approval of Amendment 10A, the church will change forever.
And it is not an exciting change full of the Spirit's power.
No one has "won" with the passage of this Admendment. Those who think they won - may see a much smaller denomination and an exodus of local churches. Those who feel they have "lost" and leave thinking they in end will have really "won", will be a part of us who will always be missing.
I feel only a deep, profound grief and sadness within me for my church, my denomination. A sense of we know not what we do.
I pray mightily that somehow, someway, God will show and lead us to find a way we can live together. Perhaps, I am merely a dreamer or an idealist. But my hope, my prayer is that we can live together even though we don't agree. But that's not the Presbyterian way. We have split and come together more times than I can count. Splitting is such a grievious thing for we are torn and rent from one another -forgetting that Christ prayed that we would be made one as Jesus and God are one.
So, I continue to pray for us all. I am not ready to leave my denomination.
And have lived in tension with this issue for most of my ordained ministry and still have not been able to write off one or the other side. I still grapple with scripture, Christ's call, the gifting of Holy Spirit, and the vows that we have upheld and I have tried to live faithfully.
I know most of the arguments, I have studied study papers of this denomination and another's, I have not bought into all the biblical interpretation that at times takes leaps I cannot, and I know grace, forgiveness, mercy, and the love of my Lord. I know that we all sin and fall far short. It has been and will continue to be a stumbling block. And even knowing and praying through all this over the years, I cannot concede one side over the other.
For now, all I know is a great sadness.

QUIET ENDING -
I thought I'd end this interim quietly. Preach my good-bye sermon the week before my last Sunday and then celebrate Pentecost with Confirmation and ride off into the sunset to whatever God will unfold.
Not to be. I received a call from one who hasn't been in church for years and who wants to baptize her toddler and rejoin the church. So, on May 29th - a usually quiet holiday weekend, we will reaffirm her faith and baptize her child. Then, June 5th will be Communion Sunday, Grad Recognition, and my "good-bye" sermon. Followed by Pentecost with Baptism and Confirmation (one youth to be baptized first, then confirmed). I will not be leaving quietly!
But, I will be leaving with 4 new members added to the rolls. Which makes up, in part, for all the ones whose funerals I've officiated in my 19 1/2 months here.
I will certainly miss folks. It is a wonderful community of faith with energy, imagination and new things happening. I leave on a good and positive note. They will be riding high and anticipating the arrival of their new young minister and young family.
I leave uncertain as to what comes next, desiring some time off, but can't afford it. I pray it won't be too long before God provides a place for me to serve. And may it be close enough to home, that I can return in the evening and not have to rent an apartment and be far from home.
There will be lots of packing of boxes in these really short weeks. I will miss the people, but not having had to live here.

WHAT'S WRONG WITH THE PRESBYTERIAN CHURCH -
I just discovered this morning what's wrong with the Presbyterian church
here where I am serving. I read it in the local paper. In the Church Ad section that lists all the churches and times of worship.
Apparently, we are celebrating Easter Mass this Sunday (well past Easter, who's calendar do we follow anyway? Plus, Presbyterians celebrating Mass? I think NOT!)
To make things even worse, this Presbyterian church and Presbyterian people, "follow the Easter Egg." That's it! We're following an Easter Egg and not Christ our Lord!(It was supposed to read that following worship is the Easter Egg Hunt.)
There you have it. That's what's wrong with the Presbyterian Church!

ENOUGH -
It is enough. It is enough to know that OBL is dead. I do not need to see pictures. I do not days of analysis and knowing every little detail, especially those details that might compromise our nation's security and abilities.
It is enough to know.
I have been in the presence of evil on more than one occaision, and I cannot mourn it's death. But I cannot celebrate it either. It simply is. Over. Solemn relief. I pray for the families of all who lost loved ones. I pray for OBL's family who, perhaps, lost him years ago. I pray for our nation, Pakistan and the whole world. OBL may be gone, but the organization of hatred, violence and terrorism is not. When that is gone - then will come the celebrating.
For now, it is enough.

RGBP'S FRIDAY FIVE - ROYAL WEDDING
With kathrynzj's help, here is a Royal Wedding Friday Five:

1) Will you be watching? If so, is this your first royal wedding?
Nope. Not getting up that early. Saw Diana & Prince Charles' with my
great-aunt when I was visiting my grandma in Switzerland.

2) The bride has chosen as her wedding cake a fruitcake. Where do you stand on this pastry?
Best used for a doorstop! Although, they are having the biscuit cake
as well. If it's anything like the one my nephew & his wife had at
their wedding with no flour, just chocolate, pound cake & cookies and
covered with Cadbury fingers, it will be mighty tasty! Should get that
recipe!
3) The dress code for royal weddings has not seen the same sad decline as that for most other weddings. If you could design your own royal wedding hat, what color would it be and what special decoration would it feature?
Probably sage green or a royal blue. Feathery things and a flower!

4) Any chance the Archbishop of Canterbury is using a Sustainable Sermon (tip of the mitre to the Vicar of Hogsmeade)? What would you tell the couple were you offering the homily?
Faith is a foundation for marriage and will see you through the best
and worst of times together. Love each other well. Laugh often. Be
kind and gentle with one another. Don't go to bed angry.
5) Believe it or not, kathrynzj is getting up early mostly to see the wedding dress. By the time this post is up, the world will have seen it. Did you like it?
Too much lace for me. It was pretty understated not much sparkly. I
liked that it wasn't strapless like all the gowns shown here which
is not flattering on everybody. I thought Diana's (although the train
was much too long!) was a fairy-tale princess dress and yes, dated
by today's standards. As long as the bride loved it and her prince
thought she was beautiful, that's all that really matters.

ALTERNATIVELY: If you don't want to play this, and think we are goofballs, that's okay. Instead of telling us we're goofballs, why don't you tell us something fun you're going to do this weekend. We promise to get around to visit all of you eventually!

SMILING JESUS AT TABLE -

Since we are celebrating Joy Sunday and it is the first Sunday of the month which is Communion Sunday, I thought it would be meaningful to have a picture of a smiling risen Jesus at the Emmaus table. No such luck.
When I think on that scene, breaking bread with Cleopas and follower, I can imagine the delight in Jesus's eyes and a smile on his lips, as they recognized him and he played this little surprise on them.
To all you artists out there. Consider a smiling Jesus at the Emmaus table and post it so it can be used with church power points.
Just a thought in my humble opinion.
And just for fun:
Today's gas prices are higher than a dog's hopes at a church picnic!

The Swiss are known for being scrupulously clean and efficient.
Here's proof:

http://www.swissinfo.ch/eng/multimedia/video/Mountain_clean_up.html?cid=7319646

In the midst of Holy Week,
a wee spark I might offer and perhaps, a bit of fresh air, for the hurried and harried, and burdened.

"I stuck my head out of the window this morning and
Spring kissed me
bang in the face"
(Langston Hughes)

May not only Spring but Easter, the Resurrection, kiss us bang in the face!

RGBP'S FRIDAY FIVE -BIRTHDAYS!

Jan notes, How about you? What do you think of birthdays?

1. What are your feelings about celebrating birthdays, especially your own?
It's nice to celebrate one is still alive and kicking. Enjoy receiving
cards, the occasional gift and dinner out!

2. Do you have any family traditions about birthdays?
Growing up we used to say what we'd like for dinner. Mom cooked it.
Then there would be cake with candles and the obligatory off-key,
"Happy Birthday to you..." song!
3. Is it easy to remember friends' and family members' birthdays? If so, how do you do it?
We're not a large family so I can remember the birthdays pretty
readily. As long as I don't forget to send out the birthday card!

4. What was one of your favorite birthdays? (or your unhappiest?)
My unhappiest birthday was when I turned 7. We moved two blocks up the
same street on my birthday and I couldn't have a birthday party with
my friends. I missed out on a party, cake, and gifts. I did get my
bedroom and didn't have to share one with my sister anymore, so that
was kind of a birthday gift.
My favorite was my 50th - my sister surprised me with a cruise to the
Bahamas along with my niece. IT was fun and beautiful. Enjoyed mango
coolers on deck, walking around Nassau to the historic sites and just
having a girls' weekend while it was cold, snowy and grey in OH.

5. Post anything else you want to share about birthdays, including favorite foods, songs, and/or pictures.
Usually, LH and I just go out to dinner for our birthdays. Since he
provides my birthday cake it ends up being a Hostess chocolate
cupcake with a candle in it. No left overs, no muss, no fuss. One
year we drove to Princeton Seminary for a Con Ed class on my b-day.
Spent the entire day in the car. We hurriedly light the candle on
my cupcake and blew it out fast so as not set off the sprinkler in
the room!!!

"Longing remembrance is born when there is love and absence."
Rubem Alves

Seems this dark night of the soul is indeed about longing remembrance. Longing remembrance of God's loving presence and my spirit and God's Spirit joined as one, breathing together as one.
There is within me the imprint of the gracious love of Christ, of what has been and is now absent.
My spirit desires, longs, yearns to return to that time. Did not the disciples feel the same as they grieved and mourned the death of their Lord?
Did they not live with longing remembrance?
It seems that I will live with longing remembrance for more time to come. It hasn't really abated nor changed. A restless spirit that seeks but cannot find, though not for a lack of trying, or a lack of prayer. I keep plugging along with this longing remembrance ever a part of my heart and my being.
And I cling to that longing remembrance, as though awaiting its promise of return and a hope that cannot be fully explained.
I touch and eat bread and inhale the perfume of the wine and drink it, and although I know my Lord is present there, I am filled with longing remembrance within my soul.
I miss the joy of my salvation, my delight in the Lord, and I cannot recreate it. It must come from outside of me. It must come from God's Spirit, which cannot be controlled. So I wait, with longing remembrance, soulful, sad, hopeful despite the time it is taking. I miss the passion, the joy, the delight, in all of its fullness. I am learning how to be content with thimblefulls. But still the desire for more is there. The more I used to know and have and live within.
Perhaps, with the passion of Christ so close, perhaps, with the my time here coming to an end, and nothing new as yet on the horizon, I am grieving, and filled with longing remembrance even moreso.
There is the greening of the grass and fields, the greening of the woods, and my insides groan of the winter's bleak, brown, still unawakened landscape within me.
With longing remembrance I cling to the love I've known and had and still have, but feel not. It is lonely with the Great Silence. But I wait, and do and serve...all with longing remembrance.

You'll Forgive Me...
if I don't check in as much while running around looking and wailing like Edvard Muench's The Scream!!!!!
Not only working on Maundy Thursday with communion and Tenebrae, but also this Sunday, Palm Sunday which is also a candidate for called pastor preaching and congregational meeting date. I will also be moderating this congregational meeting. Then I am to work on Easter Sunday, Joy Sunday following that one with meetings all next week, a Mother-Daughter-Sister-Friend banquet, and a National DAy of Prayer Service thrown in for good measure.
I am making sure that the candidate looks as good as possible and the congregation is ready to move forward and I confess, I am ready to live at home again. Only I cannot rest and have to actively seek a new position. I don't even have time to update my dossier at the moment.
Exciting as the candidate is and it making for a joyous and celebratory Easter and Easter season, it will be a whirlwind of activity, not the least being, cleaning out the office, eventually and cleaning out the apartment. Uh!
I remind myself, one day at a time. That is how God has graced us, grace sufficient for each day.
I will ride off quietly into the sunset of who knows what will be next. I will need to grieve leaving this congregation as well. I have loved them and been well-loved, perhaps more than I deserve.
It will make for an interesting Holy Week!
I will most likely be here another 9 weeks, but they go in a hurry.
So, forgive me in this season of forgiveness, grace and mercy, if I am somewhat absent. I will do my best to keep my head firmly on my shoulders, and listen to the still small voice from out of the mighty blustering whirlwind of life at this time.

RGBP'S FRIDAY FIVE: QUICK PICK EDITION

I am asking for five quick picks of things that are good in your life. And as a bonus, 1 pick for a thing you could do without.
If you want to describe them? Great.

1. Jett is still with us and celebrating his 10th birthday today!!!

2. Ladies' NO. One Detective Agency DVD set, I am presently watching
and reliving the books all over again!

3. There is still some Swiss chocolate left and one bag of Milk Chocolate
Clodhoppers from Canada. If only they'd market them here. Maybe not a
good idea. Can't afford to gain any more weight!

4. I have most of my services planned out until the 2nd Sunday of Easter.

5. My sister and my best friend. Also LH, my partner and best friend.

BONUS: I can do without all the cold and would welcome more spring-like temps!

Yet Another Funeral -
I am ready for a couple of months with no funeral.
The one Thursday is an elderly man whom I visited once last month and was planning to visit again this week. Only he died before I could visit again.
It was unexpected. He was a gruff, salty kinda guy with fuzzy memories that Alzheimer's brings. I didn't even know about him 'til middle to late January, when his SIL called and mentioned he could use a visit. I've been visiting that nursing home for over a year and nobody told me. Course, he hasn't darkened the church probably for 30 or more years. His daughter remembers coming to church when she "was little."
I'm beginning to feel like an angel of death. Most everyone I've visited in the nursing homes have died and some I visited at home.
I'm beginning to feel scared to visit to visit the homebound and the last remaining one in the nursing home, for fear it won't be long until they too, pass away and join the church triumphant.
I'll be known as the interim who brought death to members rather than life. I've lost more members than have been gained during this interim.
That's probably happened in most every church I've served.
It's not that I haven't reached out and spent time ministering to non-members. They just haven't joined. It also seemed that every visitor to whom I sent a note thanking them for worshipping with us and an invitation to call me, should they have a need, was never met by someone joining the church. All the members who have joined did so, by the invitation of a member of the church.
In my 26 years of ministry, that's not much of a track record. But, I know, that in some ways, I have brought Christ a little closer to them in their time of need. The rest, of course, is in God's hands. I am not an evangelist by any stretch of the imagination, although, I do tell the good news of Jesus Christ in my preaching, in my praying, in my visiting the lonely and the homebound and the sick, in the confirmation class, etc.
I just don't appreciate this mantle of the harbringer of death I seem to be wearing lately. It is unsettling, unnerving.
Just a couple months more and I pray onto a new place to serve...May I bring life and the promise of new life into this week, into the funeral, into wherever I will be blessed to serve next.

RGBP'S FRIDAY FIVE: SPIRITUAL PRACTICES

For today's Friday Five, please share with us five spiritual practices or disciplines from your experience. They can be ones that you have tried and kept up with, tried and NOT kept up with, ones that you flirt with at various times, or even practices that you have tried and found are definitely NOT your cup of tea. Let us know what's worked for you...and not.

1. Lectio Divina -
although I don't engage in lectio every time I study the Bible, it
has been a most helpful spiritual practice. I find that I read the
Bible text slower on Sunday mornings in the pulpit as well which I
believe congregations have appreciated. When done in a group, it is
even more meaningful for me as the passages expand in greater depth,
significance and meaning.

2. Daily Examen - opps, it should be daily, but I admit that it isn't
always daily. I find it helps me to know where I was close to God that
day, to thank God, and to confess where I missed the mark, and what
lead me away from God.

3. The Jesus Prayer - this is one I engage with from time to time. It was
a great struggle for me to pray this prayer as I was too focused on
getting the phrasing correct. However, when I heard the prayer set to
music, it opened up for me. Now, when I pray the Jesus prayer, I put to
the music I heard it set to in my head. That works for me.

4. Labyrinth - this has been a wonderful way for me to pray with my body
and has centered me. I don't often get the chance to walk it any more.
I have had some incredible prayer experiences when I walked the
labyrinth. It never ceases to totally amaze me.

5. Spontaneous Prayer - my most active practice. More times a day than
sometimes I can count. A quick prayer of intercession for someone, a
thank-you for something I have noticed, felt, or was given, or a word of
adoration. From the mundane to the sacred in the moment, I speak them
to God. And as Meister Eckhart has pointed out, if giving thanks is
all we do, than that is prayer enough.

POLE DANCING FOR JESUS -
Is anyone else somewhat disturbed by this new trend of church ladies pole dancing to Christian music?
Quite frankly, there's something really disgusting about it and I can't help but ponder what our Lord must be thinking, shaking his head side-to-side, his heart aching, thinking this is NOT bringing me any glory whatsoever.
Why do you need a pole to dance your faith any way? Isn't it more freeing not to be "tied" to a pole and let your spirit and body move freely?
Wouldn't it please Jesus more if you danced your way through life, sharing his love, feeding the hungry, visiting the imprisoned, comforting the sick, clothing the naked, etc.?
There is a difference between something sensual and something sexual. Pole dancing falls in the latter. Prayer and images, meditation and dancing can be sensual without being sexual.
Pole dance for your husband, if you must or will. But, please, don't do it for Jesus.
Just wondering if I'm the only one who finds it sullying, and just plain, out-of-place or have I turned into a I just-don-t get-it, middle-aged frump?

Seven years last fall, I planted hope one afternoon. In the dirt of the front flowerbeds, I put in crocus, tulip and daffodil bulbs. Today, with the crocuses blooming which have every year multiplied, I am the first in the neighborhood to have something blooming and a splash of color. Such a simple thing and now, all who pass by can see them and I enjoy and delight in them.
This spring, I am looking for hope. For something new to spring up for LH and I. I suppose it would mean moving and I will have to leave my beloved meadow with the open view of the sky behind. I will have to leave my gingko, my perenials - grape hyacinths, coneflowers, siberian iris, brown-eyed susans, bee balm, baby's breath and butterfly bush behind. I hope the next owners will enjoy them.
I hope that something will come forth for us; new life, a place to serve, a place to call home and live together, a backyard for our greys. I hope it is not too much to ask or to hope for.
Will the hope I planted in my heart from the Word of God, take root and bloom this year? May it be so. May it be so.