WEEK 10 or 11 -
I have begun to lose count as the days and weeks go by. My days are filled with PT and exercising and progress seems so very slow. I have endured more pain in these weeks than I care to mention and enough to last a lifetime. And it is not yet over. PT is hard at work bending my knee, working on breaking up scar tissue, using heat and ice. I have yet to make a full revolution on the bike and the seat is at 6. I have to use a foot stool to climb aboard and just reach the pedals. Not making a full revolution pedalling backwards yet is a discouragement.
I have brought the leg press carriage down and they reset the seat so that I can't bring the carriage down again. Sigh. As soon as you accomplish something they make it harder again. It's the nature of the beast of PT.
I have also brought the carriage all the way on the pilates machine and that, too, they have reset.
I am beginning a new position (interim) this week on Wed. I pray I can endure the over hour drive and the grueling Sunday schedule of two services with Adult Sunday School inbetween. I will leave at 7:15 am and not get home til 2 pm or after. The drive itself proved agonizing for a good 20 minutes last week. The first 30 minutes went well, the next 20 were painful adjusting my knee as best I could, and then the last 20 were ok again. I had to repeat the process on the drive home. Those are the longest 20-30 minutes when the pain is so great.
As this is a church of another denomination, I again have to learn the liturgy and tab the altar book for the words for communion. I hope I don't get too lost and scew things up too royally on Sunday.
In the meanwhile, I have shortened three dresses, taken in a skirt at the waist, and shortened pairs of pants, and the sleeves of one shirt. All done in blocks of 30 minutes or so at a time, since sitting too long is uncomfortable. I have accomplished something.
I had hoped that by now I could sleep without a pain pill. I try every week but by 3 am I am in discomfort enough to distrupt my sleep. I am tired of the pain, the discomfort, and not being able to be my normal self and doing things without taking a half hour to do them. I am getting cranky and it seems that it's once again time for pain pill as the one from this morning is wearing off.
I am also out of sorts since learning that my cousin - a year older than myself - has just passed away in Switzerland due to some type of cancer. He is the first of my first cousins to pass away. I had hoped that we would see each other again sometime, but apparently not in this life on earth. I pray that he had God's peace not knowing how much of a faith life he had. It has been so unsettling and he so young yet. He and his wife had no children (like us). His mother, my aunt must be so grief stricken as well as his wife. My aunt has lost her husband and son, and her younger son suffered a traumatic head injury at 13 and has never been the same since - 36 years ago.
It is too bad we live so far apart, making it impossible to attend the services. I miss that and the gathering of family. My prayers and heart are with U's family and with all the family on my Dad's side. It's only us cousins left know. All the brothers and sisters are gone and spouses as well, except for two aunts by marriage.
So, it's been a week of pain, of change, and heartache. But through it all, God is there gently holding me up and giving me strength to endure, to keep trying and to keep working.