Saturday, June 20, 2009

Feeling kinda low as I won't be preaching tomorrow although, I do have a prayer and benediction to work for a supply preaching Sunday when we return from vacation the beginning of July.
I have no clue where this time of transition will lead. My self-confidence is in the gutter and I am clinging to hope.
I pray to the Silence and try to trust the One who is Life. It is most difficult not to get discouraged or give in to despair. I cannot ignore or mitigate the anguish of my soul. I have been in such an abyss before but each time has different nuances and I know God is longing to bring something to me, only I don't know what and struggle with the time that it takes and for the healing to come.
I am restless and nothing seems to bring me much peace or comfort. So, I do things for short periods and little by little there are pieces of accomplishment. That helps a bit. It gets me through another day. But the angst over our future has gripped my heart and squeezes until I can't catch my breath. I take deep breaths. I pray. But it always comes back, during the day, after dinner, in the wee hours of the morning while I am still abed but can no longer sleep. And I keep praying to the Silence that is God for now.

1 comment:

Psalmist said...

I've been meaning to "drop in" and comment, and am finally doing so.

Please know that you are in my prayers. I've been in a similar place to where you are now, I think, and for me it was a wilderness kind of experience. Most definitely not comfortable, and often not easy to sense the presence of God.

All I know for certain is that no matter how you experience this time, you are not alone.

Please consider yourself hugged.