Tuesday, June 16, 2009

to be home on a Tuesday
to not be at peace
to struggle to breathe
to not succomb to despair
to keep working on my dossier

Trying desperately to keep everything in perspective. I wish I had approached some things differently, yet, they may not have made any great difference at all. Only God knows that.
I gave my last sermon Sunday and the COM rep felt it was good and loving. Can one live the love of Christ in the midst of pain and rejection. Yup. Only it takes all and everything you have and the very strength of Christ. And afterwards, you are so empty. I am glad it's over. It has been a difficult 5 months.
LH is dealing with some of the same. We will soon be in a pickle if something doesn't up soon for him or me.
What is going on in our churches? Full of fear and anxiety over their survival, yet not always willing to try something or even supporting the something members try.
I am much stronger in the short term than long term and will hopefully focus on interim, supply or designated pastor positions.
Toby, our newest greyhound, is simply not adjusting after 6 months. He destroyed several CD's while at a VBS fundraiser Sunday evening. The very last straw.
We will have to return him and our contact is willing to make a trade for a more laid back greyhound.
Perhaps, in some ways, I was not the best match for this church. They needed someone to live in town and commuting in and not always being in town every evening was a dynamic that simply didn't work there. There will be new life for them and for me, for LH. INFJ's have a harder go of it.
So, there will be a trip to IN and hard as it is to give up a dog, he needs a home where he will get more attention and stimulation. A road trip might good to put some distance between me and the church and to take one day at a time, trusting ever and always in our God of Life. Feeling in the storm tossed boat with the disciples and trusting that Jesus is in the stern even when I see him not.

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