Thursday, December 30, 2010

There's always a bit of sadness to see another year come to an end. It seems to happen quicker ever since turning 50. I am sad this year for what hasn't happened and come to be yet in our lives. LH still searching for a position and I living an hour from home. Granted, things could be worse - I could be further from home.
But this is the first time I can remember feeling sad over what hasn't happened rather than what has happened in the year past.
Perhaps losing FIL right before Christmas also plays into this sadness somewhat.
I am not sure how to greet this new year, with trepidation, I imagine. Since 2010 was disappointing in some regards and what I had hoped would happen, didn't materialize, I enter 2011 with trepidation. I know my interim position will soon be coming to a close here and without much on the horizon, we face being incomeless and having no medical insurance.
I try not to become overly anxious and trust in God, but it does get the better of me at times. I am trusting, hoping, believing...even when it is most difficult to do so and takes every tattered shred of faith still within me.
I feel ready for our lives to move forward and onward and we are in this insipid holding pattern, as though forgotten and just circling around and around until the call comes for clearance to land. I hope the fuel lasts until our landing but the tanks are getting empty.
So, I say goodbye to this year, to the joys and the sorrows, the continued dark night, to my FIL, to my garden, to broasting in the apartment this summer, to my family for a wonderful wedding celebration across the pond, and to all that didn't happen, both good and ill.
I pray to greet the new year in faith and trust, open to new adventure, and for things to happen for which we have been waiting and hoping.
May you make peace with this old year and embrace the new year soon to unfold.

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