Appalling

Simply appalling how people, celebrity or not, think they are the exception to the rule and live so unethically, to find ways to circumvent the system and get their darling child into college.
Perhaps, their "darling" child has no interest in college - just going for the parties. Send them to community college or don't send them at all until they decide that is what they truly desire - an education to make a contribution to the world.
   And who is to blame? The parents. Parents who are helicopter parents. Step in and take over for their child. Who don't encourage their child to get a part-time job in high school to learn how to work, to be responsible, to answer to a boss, to get along with co-workers, to earn your way. These are privileged children who haven't had to lift a finger, had things done for them, and lead very shallow lives. Their parents have done their "darling" children a great disservice.
   It is amazing, that as a child of immigrant parents, I went to college and graduate school. I had chores as a child, my parents were not able to help me with "new math" foreign to their learning, nor did I have help in English and writing papers. Indeed, I had to correct and write my father's business letters. Instead of my asking for help with my papers and essays, my Dad came to me to make sure
the grammar and word usage was correct! It was expected that we make the honor roll, to try harder, to practice until we get it, to set goals, to go to college. And I did it on my own. My parents never typed a paper for me, never filed out an application, work or school, for me. I had a newspaper route. I had piano lessons, I played flute in band, I was a thespian, on speech team, in the German Club, and synchronized swim club. In my junior year of High School, I got a part-time job and surrendered some of my activities for work. I worked in college, sometimes for a mere pittance. But that money paid for over three years of college(yes, my parents helped much to pay for tuition & room & board), and some incidentals. I lived on campus, I ate on campus. Once every month or two, I would get a pizza, or a Hardy's Hot Ham & Cheese sandwich. That was a luxury. I never went on Spring Break - if I wanted to go on a trip - I was expected to pay for it, not my parents. Yes, it was living austerely, but I didn't want for anything.
   I took my own SAT and ACT tests, once. I didn't ace them with over the top scores. Mine were average. I applied to a private college, which provided me with a double-major and was a listed best buy school with a very good and solid reputation. I did go to community college for two years and took all the required classes for cheap, lived at home and worked part-time. I was accepted into the college of my choice and all my credits transferred.
   I graduated, got accepted into grad school. I wrote my own papers, read the books (or most of them!), I even passed all my Standard Ordination Exams on the first try. I am not the most stellar student. I am not brilliant. I am average. But I work hard, and am responsible. I was taught to value education and that it is something earned and something one doesn't take for granted. College and post-graduate study is not about social life, but education.
   I grew up in a faith community, in a small Presbyterian Church. We gave a nickel or dime every time we went to Sunday School - we put the coins in the small white plastic church with slot in the roof and it went to missions. Mom would also pick up a can of food, bag of rice, flour or sugar, at least once a month that went into the collection box at church. We weren't rich by any means, but we grew into the call to be giving and generous as Christ was. We learned that God loves us, forgives us, brings us hope and life. I went to Vacation Bible School every summer. We learned to be honest, to be fair and to treat others fairly and justly just as we would want to be treated. To love God and to love others as ourselves. To keep a promise. To forgive and be forgiving. To live into the calls of our lives - to care for others, those in need, for creation, to be kind, to do things and for others without expecting praise or reward - do it because it is the right thing to do, the loving thing to do, the things God desires us to do. I have never handled being lifted up and sometimes being publicly thanked (like a thank you lunch, and being showered with gifts for serving as an interim) very well. I am so painfully self-conscious. I would prefer just riding off into the sunset and next position and giving my best in the next congregation. A simple note of thanks is more than enough for me.
   I learned to keep my word and not give it unless I can keep it. To live with integrity - be ethical and honest - even when no one is watching or notices. I can't fool God anyway, who knows everything, so why bother?
   So I am simply appalled that these privileged parents have done such a disservice to their children. They have ruined their careers, jobs and set an awful example to their children - to lie, to cheat their way ahead in life.
   If I, an average student, can make it (ok, I don't have a high-powered career, but that was not my call in life), into a good college, well-regarded graduate school and be a professional in my field for over 34 years ( with next to no wealth to show for it - at least monetarily), they can certainly make it on their own without their parent's misguided intervention.
   I am saddened that in our present society - that cheating and lying is the way to make it in life., be it getting into a college, graduate school, or on one's resume to get a job. I didn't benefit from my parent's connections to people or job networking - they really didn't have a huge social network. Yet, I am here. I am still serving. I am still living with integrity.
    How truly sad that these children have been so coddled, so unchallenged, given so little responsibility for themselves, and given such a poor example of how to live and have integrity. They have been cheated in their life and their shallowness reflects that. I am saddened that this is a generation which will one day be in charge without their parents to interfere, to smooth everything out for them, to make things happen for them. They will have to do that on their own and I fear for the world, when the selfish, ungrateful, incompetent are in charge. But perhaps, through the ages, that has always been the case to some degree.
     I stand for all those who have made it on their own merit, worked hard, put their energy, time and talent to whatever they have been called to and where their passion lies. I applaud all those parents who make their children do their own work, but merely lend an occasion helping hand, who allow their children to fail, to make mistakes, to be disappointed at not making a team or group and encouraging them to work at it, to practice harder and try it or try out again, or offer an alternative better suited to their abilities. I give thanks to parents who encourage their children to get a job, do a chore, take on some responsibilities, who don't give their children everything or give in to their children's demands or wants every time, who know how to discipline and set boundaries that are to be respected, who live by example what it means to give and be generous with out lives, our money, our talent, our gifts, who give their children a faith foundation - so that kids grow up knowing they are loved by One greater than their parents, live with hope, learn what forgiveness is and how to forgive, to know true peace and goodness in life amidst the hard and challenging, who keep their word and live ethically being a model and example to their children.
    Perhaps, it all sounds old-fashioned, but these are eternal and timeless qualities, lessons, and ways of being and living in the world, that have withstood time, pressure, governments, wars, poverty and wealth. They never go out of style or fashion. Not everyone can be bought.
    This scandal, too shall pass. But for now, may it stand as reminder that there is a better way, to be honest and genuine, to know that we cannot do everything for our children and they must do for themselves - even when it is hard and difficult - and our hearts ache to ease the way for them. Allow them the opportunity to see what they can accomplish on their own. You and they will be amazed, energized, and astounded. Life becomes richer and more wonderful than ever. This is the gift to give our children! And you will never be appalled or disappointed. You won't compromise your integrity and children will be ever grateful to live into the life they have been called into and be successful in more ways than one.