WEIRD WEDDING

It is just as I suspected. A. Weird. Wedding. Never in my life....I guess there is a first for everything.
I arrived at the church just a couple minutes past six pm for the 6:30 pm rehearsal. The church door was opened and all these cars already there.
The pastor was in the sanctuary with the family and friends. I said hello, and was a bit surprised that so many were already there. He replied that the bride wanted to start at 6 pm. Well, thanks for letting me know, as the host pastor!
   I asked if he had the order of service, since his church was doing the bulletins. When we met a month ago, I emailed the pastor - that I would do the welcome, the congregational response - with words all typed out and the congregation's response in bold, and that I would do the prayer of the day.
I never heard back from him. Not even an acknowledgment that he had received what I sent him.
Now, since I am part-time, I confess that I never emailed him again as I have been busy.
  So, he hands me a bulletin and says he hopes he spelled my name right. Now, I know my last name has 4 syllables and is also the name of one of the disciples, but it is spelled the way it is sounded.
I look at it and see Pastor (First Name) Greyhound. What the? He automatically assumed because greyhound is part of email address that that was my last name, although I said my name verbally when we met a month ago. If he wasn't sure, he could've 1. emailed me back asking how to spell my last name, 2. called the church and asked the secretary.
  I've been called: Rev. Sweet Cheeks, Rev. Hard Nose and now: Rev. Greyhound!
  He didn't include the part of the support of the congregation with congregational response. Now I will have to give them the response verbally to repeat. (Stupid)
   The service is a mish-mash of all kinds of stuff. There is not one scripture lesson, there is absolutely no message to the couple regarding marriage, relying on Christ, that we love because God first loved us, etc.
   The Bridal procession is exactly as I feared - the love song from Beauty and the Beast. (Yuck!)
   When I suggested to the Maid of Honor that she may want to be ready to hold the bridal bouquet during the vows (normally the couple holds hands, looks at each other as they repeat their vows), the pastor said they would be facing him while saying the vows. What the? They should be looking at each other and making these solemn promises to each other, not the darn pastor! I always tell the couple to look at each other, they are making these promises to each other and not to me.
  Then everyone gathered sings, "In Christ Alone."
  There's the Ukranian Hand Tie - looks like a table runner wrapped around the couples joined
hands and then they walk around the altar three times.
   The exchange of rings.
   And then it all sort of ends with a prayer by the bride's father, pronouncement and kiss.
   It is totally weird and if there is no scripture or message, why not get married outside?
  I wonder where this pastor went to school - some bible college and no seminary education - although he is 50 ish.
    There seems to be a consumer mentality with all this. We're renting the church, so we should be able to use any and all areas (now also using our gathering space for appetizers and drinks - which was not part of the original bargain) and do whatever we want.
   Non-member weddings are thankless even if the church gets some money for it - just not worth the hassle, the time, and the demands.
   Then, as it neared the end of the rehearsal, the groom's mom asked if I would be coming to dinner - I thought she meant the wedding dinner and I replied that I had a worship service. No, she said, the rehearsal dinner. (by now it was nearly 8 pm), I didn't know I was even invited and replied that I had already eaten (which was true). The rehearsal dinner was at some Christian Church a bit out of town.
I don't think so. I am merely the hostesses, making sure all things for the service are ready and doing my bit part at the beginning.
    Oh, and there is glitter all over the carpets, sanctuary floor.
    I'll be glad when it's 6 pm - the wedding ceremony over, my worship service done, and I can clean up from worship, and go home! I will even be gracious not to embarrass the pastor and simply introduce myself as "Pastor Barbara of (Blank) L Church." I won't even get into the last name part.
God give me strength and help me be gracious and bite my tongue!