It is a bit disheartening to receive a rejection of your dossier and not even be invited to an interview. Sigh. There are two other possibilities, neither in this state. So, maybe God is telling us, it's time to leave, really leave and begin anew somewhere totally different. Only, totally different is intimidating and scary. To pull up stakes and venture into the unknown is never easy. I doubt it was for Abraham or any of the disciples.
What if it doesn't work out? I've been down that road before. What if LH doesn't find any place to serve? What if I fail, disappoint, and let down a people of God? What then? I worry about these things.
But my faith also tells me that stepping out on faith is what we are called to do, no matter how scary, how inadequate, how uncertain and unsure one may feel. It's about trusting in God.
In this dark night of my soul, trusting has been a real challenge. The Great Silence has remained silent and I struggle sometimes to connect more deeply. I feel exiled in the wilderness and continue to walk an unknown path into an uncertain future.
God has fortunately provided me with three Sundays of pulpit supplying in three different Lutheran churches. This past Sunday, being a communion Sunday, I had to work with the new ELW and only messed up the prayer after communion, which I went back and did - only it wasn't unison, then added the blessing about being sent out to share communion, then the benediction, then the dismissal. All in all, not too bad for a low-church Presbyterian using the new worship book for the first time. I did enjoy sharing communion, blessing the children, but for the most part, I was constantly checking and rechecking what came next, what page I was to be on, etc. Here's hoping, this coming Sunday will go better.
I usually print out my communion liturgy and have the pages on the table. Of course, we, Presbyterians, can be creative with the liturgy and theme it for that Sunday's scripture lessons. I guess I just haven't been Lutheran in a long while and it would take a bit to get back into it.
In the meanwhile, I am working on what I'll be sharing at my aunt's memorial service. Trying to decide what clothes to bring with and keeping the weight of the luggage down to return with chocolate and cheese and some favorite things. It could be really hot over there where nothing is airconditioned and it could be coolish. Knowing my track record, it will be unseasonably warm!!!
So, I will not dwell on what is not to be and set my sights on what is before me, trusting that God will guide me and lead us into a future where life abundant yet awaits.