Wednesday, August 08, 2007

You Might Be A Presbyterian If...

~the only Latin you know is "Gloria Patri" and the phrase, "Ecclesia reformata,
semper reformanda"
~BOO is not a Halloween expression, but the Book of Order
~jell-o salads are a potluck staple
~Calvin klein is not a designer but the little bit you know about John Calvin
~you arrive on Sunday mornings just in time for worship yet early enough to
get a back pew
~you check your watch every 30 seconds if worship lasts more than an hour
~you serve on the Nominating Committee so that you won't be asked to serve
as an Elder or Deacon
~Session is not a period of time spent with your therapist, but the local
church's governing board
~covered dishes (preferrably filled with something yummy) are what you bring
to a potluck
~Presbytery is not "they" and "them" but really "us"
~Synod is that unknown, mysterious body between Presbytery and GA
~GA is pronounced G-A and not "ga"
~you know the acronyms for all the interest groups and ministries of
the denomination
~you do everything decently and in order
~you always get asked to explain Predestination
~the ushers and elders always walk in step and in formation during worship
~you can point out all the symbols within the Presbyterian symbol
~you use "debts" and "debtors" in the Lord's Prayer
~you church name has a number: First, Second, Third, Fourth, Fifth or Sixth;
once it gets past 6 there's been one too many church splits
~you've done all the Kerygma Bible studies
~you can recite "The Great Ends of the Church" and know they are not the ample
bottoms of fellow parishioners
~you know the answer to "What is the chief end of man?"
~next to the Bible on your nightstand is the BOO and BOC (Book of Order and
Book of Confessions)
~you actually know how to spell "Presbyterian"
~you know that TULIP is not just a flower, but a theological summation of
~you know Robert's Rules of Order inside and out
~the term "elders" doesn't refer to the older members of the congregation, but
those elected and ordained to serve on Session
~an Overture, is neither a flirtatious comment or a musical piece, but an
issue brought to GA by a Presbytery for action/vote regarding a particular
concern or amendment to the BOO
~you sit more than stand during the worship service
~communion is normally served to you in the pew
~you pay your per capita on time and in full to the church every year
~you are tempted to withhold your per capita every time you don't agree with
the denomination's stance on an issue
~you remember a church split during your membership as a Presbyterian:
local or denominational
~you check the PC(USA).org website daily or weekly
~you know that VBS isn't a sexually transmitted disease
~"Good Morning" is considered a liturigal greeting in the worship service
~you know the name of the present Moderator
~The Outlook is not a stock market forecast but a denominational publication
~You subscribe to "Presbyterians Today"
~you own Welch's grape juice stock knowing communion is served nearly once
a month
~Ghost Ranch is not a haunted place, but a retreat center
~going to Louisville, KY is considered a pilgrimage

Just reflecting, tongue in cheek, on being Presbyterian!!! Any that you would like to add? Put them in "Comments"!
This is my 111th post, not the Barry Bonds homerun breaker record, but it is a trinity of 1's. Somehow, I missed the 100th post!

1 comment:

zorra said...

That is hilarious. Especially the one about serving on the Nominating Committee--guilty as charged.