It's so frustrating when making visits to elderly members in assisted living or nursing homes and they get moved. Moved where? The facilities, due to HIPPA laws, can no longer tell me, where said member may have gone. I have had to wheedle info out if the person I was visiting had been taken to the hospital. They aren't even supposed to tell you that.
So, the standard response is to get in touch with the family. Easier said, than done!
In the case of the latest person, a woman in her 80's who had been a member of this particular M church from her marriage on, taught Sunday School for years, especially the little ones, and raised four boys with not the most supportive husband (at least parentally speaking, and not the most giving of himself person to her as a partner in life), being involved in church and after her husband's death, finally, giving something back to herself, travelled with the pastor or former pastor to Russia, China, etc., has been at a certain assisted living place for as long as I have been serving as visitation pastor of M church. Over the past year, I could see the decline in her cognitive abilities and that she has lost some weight. She's had memory issues for the past 3 years. She can no longer work on puzzles like she used to, she reads but I'm sure her comprehension is low, and she was not one to take part in facility activities. She enjoyed walking, lots. She used to walk outside for an hour at a time. In the winter, she's walk the hallways. Then it got to be that she just walked the hallways all year 'round.
Now she hasn't been walking all that much.
With vacation and other visits, I didn't get to see her in July, unusual because I'm there every month.
So, on Tuesday, I go to see her, only she's not there, her name was taken off the door, she disappeared just like mist.
Now this facility also has a memory care unit and I'm thinking she might have been moved into there, indeed, I was anticipating that would be happening. But, no. The desk lady said that if that was the case, they could tell me that. She is not here and I should contact the family. Great.
Her family doesn't attend church - although all the boys were baptized, went to Sunday School here, and were confirmed. They have a faith background. Surely they knew all their Mom did in teaching Sunday School and all the group trips made with the former pastor. But they don't attend church anymore.
And it never occurs to them to let the church know where their Mom is, that perhaps, they felt she needed better care or a memory care place that offered her more. I can understand that, but let her church know.
Children of parents need to let the church know where their parent is currently residing. How can we visit that person, or bring them communion if we don't know where they are at? Even memory care patients can often still recite part of the Lord's Prayer, or remember the taste of bread and wine, or find comfort in the words of institution or a verse from scripture.
Auuuughhh...how frustrating it is. They might not think much of faith for themselves, but at the
very least honor your parent's faith, know that faith still means something to them, to be connected to their church family, to be connected to God.
Call the church. Let the church know where your parent is. Help us to continue to include and serve your parent in whatever capacity they are in. We can deal with it - better than you can!
Sigh. I ended up finding the daughter-in-law's address because she has an unusual name on the internet. I hate doing that. I'm disturbed at how easy it was to find her address. I will be sending
the family a card, requesting where their mom is. We'll see if they call me or the church. I hope they will understand and let me know where she is. We had built up a relationship and she doesn't really get any visitors aside from them from time to time.
I pray for this woman, I do.
But mostly, I simply ask that when you move a parent - from their home into a facility, from one facility to another, call your parent's church, let them know so that we can still minister to them, no
matter what stage they are in. It is so simple really. If you love your parent, you know that faith is
important to them, even if it isn't to you. That is but one aspect of loving and caring for your
elderly parent as you make sure they get good care or are surrounded by familiar things, or when you make doctor's appointments for them, or bring them a new pair of slippers that function better for them. Honor and love your parent by letting the church know where they are at, understanding that church and faith in God was an important and often, vital, component of their life.
Off to make another visit...hope they are still in the same place!
Oh, and leave your contact info with the church, in case, something happens, or we notice something, and can let you know.
